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How to become more charismatic
Thursday, 31 August 2006
Okay, before I begin let's get one thing out of the way. I know the title of this article makes it sound like I've got a big head, and I apologize. I'm not claiming to be the most charismatic person in the world or that I can trick everybody I meet into liking me.
Instead, I want to let you know the techniques I've come across that work in helping people to feel good about you. This is partly from my own experience and partly from observing others.
It's all about them
When you're interacting with other people - whether it's at on a one-to-one level or in front of a huge audience - try to make the experience all about them. Most people are completely fascinated with themselves - their own interests, needs, problems and wants. These are powerful anchors to attach yourself to.
Many people are enthusiastic conversationalists, but talk exclusively about themselves. These people need a bit of a wake up call. Nobody cares about you, or at least, they do much less than care about themselves. They'll listen politely and question you about your own needs, but ultimately on their scale talk about you rates about a one, and talk about them rates about a ten.
Try to find people's obsessions and build a conversation around them
This is an extension of the last point. One excellent technique for turning the conversation to being all about them is to seek out people's obsessions. We're all obsessed with something - pets, children, high-tech, cars, sports, whatever.
Use leading questions to find out what someone is obsessed with, then talk about that. If you don't know much about the topic at hand, ask them to explain it to you. People absolutely love having someone to converse with on their favorite subject. Turn yourself into that person and they'll love you too.
Look after your appearance
Many people underestimate how big an impact their appearance has on how others perceive them. We're all quick to judge others on how they look, but somehow we can't believe that others are doing exactly the same to us. If you look after your physical appearance, you'll go a long way towards having good charisma levels. Here are some simple suggestions on that point:
- Keep clean - bathe daily, wash your hair once every few days, clean your teeth twice a day.
- Keep tidy - if you're a man, keep your facial, nasal, and ear hair well-shaved. If you're a woman do the same for visible body hair
- Keep your hair neat, tidy and stylish.
- Dress well - wear fashionable, well-fitting clothes. Make sure they're clean, well-pressed, and new enough not to be faded. Aim to dress a bit better than those around you.
- Lose bad smells - wear deodorant and/or perfume, but don't overdo it, subtle is the key. If you eat something spicy, drink coffee, or smoke, have a packet of mints handy to clear your breath afterwards.
Be friendly and polite
Simply acknowledging others presence with a "how are you?" or "hello" goes a long way. Most people are used to being ignored or treated like machines, so you're giving them something unusual. Smile and let them see you genuinely like them.
Treat people with respect, dignity and good manners. In this over-rude world, simply being polite can often lift you above the herd.
Develop a gentle wit
My grandmother is one of the most charismatic people I've ever met. Everybody seems to love her. Her secret is a gentle wit. She collects witty saying with which to break the ice and make people smile.
Here are some examples of witty sayings, but I'm sure you can dig up some of your own:
- "Famous last words!", after somebody makes a particularly bold claim.
- "It's like trying to nail jelly to a wall", when it's difficult to get someone to commit to something.
- "The only way to beat temptation is to give into it."
One excellent method for generating witty comments is to make an outrageous claim while trying to keep a straight face :
- "Shark attacks aren't as common in Australia as most people believe, I've only lost two close relatives to them so far."
- "Well, you're only human", after someone tells you they admire you for something.
Make people feel special
Deep down inside, we all believe we're more special than those around us. That's part of the appeal of stories like Harry Potter - the idea that we might have been born extraordinary has deep hold on our psyche. You can use this need to convince people to like you better. Show them you think they're special. Compliment their talents, achievements and characteristics. Let them see that you're proud to be associated with them.
Have better than average communication skills
Charismatic people are almost always outstanding communications. They're simply more clever with language than the average Joe. Putting effort into improving your communication skills pays off in increased charisma.
Most people put zero effort into enhancing this part of themselves. Because of this, it's an easy area to make yourself rise about the crowd with. Here's a link to another article I've written on Powering up your communication skills.
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