Lifehacks







We humans really like passing on our problems on to other people

Sunday, 1 July 2007

We all have problems in this life. Some are bigger than others, but each of us is burdened with something we find almost unbearable from time to time. Maybe you have problems in your love-life, or your health is bad. Perhaps it's something as major as bankruptcy that bothers you, or something as small as a cold-sore. Whatever, it is, life is filled with difficulties.

And because we find the problems that face us so - well - problematic, we are always looking for an easy way to be rid of them. And often, the easiest way is to try and pass them onto somebody else. If you look at the history of humanity, it is a big story of one group trying to solve its problems by passing them onto another group.

Take slavery, for example. What a terrible practice it is. But why do people feel the need to have slaves? Because it allows them to reap the rewards of hard work, without making the payment of doing it themselves. Often, rewards come with the problem of unpleasant labour. Slavery is simply passing that problem onto somebody else.

Many wars are fought for the same reason. One nation doesn't feel it's rich enough or that it is in possession of the lands that are rightly owed to it. So it tries to solve this problem by passing it onto another nation by seizing their resources or territory.

High schools are one big seething pit of problems passing. After all, one of the easiest ways to become the most popular kid at school is to put down other kids. You attempt to pass on your problems of unpopularity to others, by teasing them and giving them a hard time.

That miserable person on the bus who was rude to you is probably attempting to pass on their misery to others. That mugger in the alleyway is trying to solve his problem of lack of funds by turning it into your problem. Most sports involve winning by turning your opponent into a loser.

Everywhere you look you see this phenomenon. It's a staple of human nature. By understanding the way it flows through ourselves and our societies, you can make your relations with others easier. Once you understand that this is what motivates many people in their actions, you can make sure that they don't pass on their problems to you without your permission.




Self help & motivationHow to find yourself
Along with the problem of trying to figure out how the world works, we also all have a similar problem of discovering exactly who it is we are. People are always surprising themselves with behavior they didn’t expect and thoughts they feel aren’t entirely in their control.
Self help & motivationGenerally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear
Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time.
Self help & motivationHow to get a job paying more than $100,000 a year
How do people get themselves into a position of earning good incomes at young ages? Why do some people work hard for minimum wage while others have cushy jobs that are well-paid? Most importantly, how can you become one of the latter?
Self help & motivationBecoming more self-absorbed probably isn't going to solve your problems
There are many books and articles written about how to improve your life. Many focus on changing what's going on inside your head. They want you to think more positively, change your inner conversation, and carefully examine your past. In general, they have one thing in common, they want you to become more self-absorbed.
Self help & motivationThe easiest way to fool smart people
There’s a saying among con-men that smart people are easier targets, because they don’t think they can be conned. I’m not sure if that’s true, but there’s one scam that’s almost guaranteed to make smart people switch off their brains and reach for their wallets.
Self help & motivationYou can't trust people with money
What is it with money that makes otherwise good people lose all moral perspective? The dubious real-estate agent may well be a good and trustworthy friend away from the office, but he'll tell his clients anything to get a few extra dollars out of them.
Self help & motivationEvidence that success comes from self-discipline
An interesting experiment on the nature of success was started by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s. He decided to test the self-discipline of children at an early age, then trace their relative success as their lives went on.
Self help & motivationIf you have a problem, look in the mirror first for its source
Consider the following scenario. Mr Smith has been a dedicated employee at a big company for over fifteen years. He has a mortgage, two children at private school, and a nice car, all paid for with debt.
Self help & motivationUnderstanding the games people play
A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play.
Self help & motivationWhatever you say or do in this world, someone will strongly disapprove
Wouldn't it be great if everyone just loved us and thought everything we did and said was right? What an easy life that would be. Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen any time soon. Pretty much anything you do or say is going to make somebody angry, upset, or despairing of your intelligence and sanity.

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