|
The best way to influence the behavior of others
We are all dependent on one another. We need other people and they need us in order to live the best lives we can. But other people are generally outside of our control. So one of the biggest problems anyone faces is how to get others to behave in the way we want them to.
Trying to get others to do what you want them to may sound sinister, but it's not. It's just practical.
A parent wants to have a certain amount of control over her children's behavior. A boss wants control over his employees. A friend wants her peers to behave towards her in a certain way. In almost every avenue of life, we are trying to influence how others behave.
So how should we go about getting others to do what we want?
The most base answer that most people come up with is to force them to. An employer threatens those under her with firing; a schoolboy bullies his peers; a dictator threatens his citizens with death. This is the easy answer to the question, but it is not the best one.
The problem with threats is that they breed resentment. Nobody likes being told what to do.
Even if you manage to frighten someone enough to do your bidding, you can be sure that they'll be looking for any opportunity to get back at you.
A resentful employee may not do their best work, fail to report problems, and quit at the worst possible time. A bitter child will rebel and do all the things you don't want them to just to spite you. A dictator who holds his people in fear must live in a world of constant paranoia, knowing the hatred against him is so great that he could be overthrown and killed at any time.
A much better strategy than fear is persuasion. Make another person want the same thing as you, and you have a powerful ally. This is more difficult to master than mere threats, but in the long-run is much more effective.
The best way to successfully persuade others is to convince them to like you. The source of an idea matters just as much as its logic. An idea is much more convincing when it comes from a friend than from a stranger.
This may sound manipulative, but in fact it's not. Having people like you has so many benefits that to pursue it as a goal simply to influence others would be silly.
I go into strategies for convincing others to like you elsewhere in detail, but a good start is to be sincere, know how to make others laugh in a non-threatening way, and be polite. Look for those characteristics in others that you like, and try to cultivate them within yourself.
This strategy also works well in mastering techniques for persuading others of your point of view. Use your own mind as a laboratory. Which arguments convince you? How are they formed? How are they presented?
Try to imitate the characteristics of what you see as persuasive arguments when formulating your own methods.
Getting people to like you and learning how to influence them are skills nobody ever perfects. Learning them completely takes more than a single lifetime. They are, however, talents that any person should always be trying to improve upon.
The better you become at them, the more you will be able to get others to behave in the way you want them to, and the better your life will be as a result.
 | Emotions are like muscles, you need to work them out | | It’s amazing how much of our lives are controlled by our emotions. In fact, it could be said that pretty much everything we do is in pursuit of some sort of emotional comfort. If you’re hungry, lonely or cold, your emotions are going to let you know by making you feel miserable. This is generally a good thing. |  | If investments become cheaper, and you’re a buyer, that’s a good thing | | In the last few years, stock markets around the world have been hammered. Currencies have also fallen to historic lows. People see their portfolios down and are running scared. |  | Don't fall into the habit of finding excuses not to take action | | Sometimes it's good not to take action. It's just not called for under some circumstances and can actually make things worse. I've written about this before. |  | The best way to influence the behavior of others | | We are all dependent on one another. We need other people and they need us in order to live the best lives we can. But other people are generally outside of our control. So one of the biggest problem anyone faces is how to get others to behave in the way we want them to. | | What to do when you've made a life-shatteringly bad decision | | Let's face it, despite our often high opinions of ourselves, we're all human really. There's not a person on this planet who hasn't made an incredibly stupid decision at some stage that's had life-changing consequences. You'll certainly make such a dumb call yourself some day, as will I and everybody else. | | It's extremely difficult to change people | | Most of us have someone in our life we'd like to change. It might be a lover, a child, a boss, or a neighbor. We try every trick at our disposal to meet that end, but in general we are likely to fail. | | Throw yourself in the deep end | | We're all afraid of things we haven't experienced before. We'd like to take a more responsible job, but we're not sure we can deal with it. We'd like to meet new people, but we're afraid that they won't like us. We'd like to try out a new activity, but we're worried about making a fool out of ourselves. |  | If you don't know, say so | | Three of the hardest words for many people to say are: "I don't know". In fact, many of the problems in human history have been caused through our aversion to these words. How come? |  | The transition periods are often the most difficult | | Someone I know quite well once discovered that his wife of five years was seeing another man behind his back. He found out when she suddenly announced she was leaving him for her new beau. He was out of town at the time, and when he returned he found most of the furniture in his house missing. | | Six things likely to make you happier in the long-term | | I've previously looked at how to get a short-term "hit" of happiness. Now I'll explore the more important subject of long-term happiness. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|