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Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear
Wednesday, 31 January 2007
Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time.
Of course, far from being God-like, these criticizing grumps are actually pretty stupid. Even if you're right in pointing out the fault, in general most people don't want to hear your view. They're likely to dismiss it and see you as a rude moron. Given that you are unlikely to change people's minds, in general there's no point criticizing them.
In fact, in many cases, you're better off telling them what they want to hear. You may not completely agree with it, but at least you're being constructive. You'll make them feel better - about themselves and about you. Most people get such positive feedback so rarely, that they're likely to view you in a wonderful light if they see you as a source of it.
Let me give you an example. Say somebody shows you a picture of their cat, telling you they love it to bits. And let's say you don't particularly like cats. Well, most people would kind of sneer a bit and mumble something like "that's nice", or even go off on a rant about how dogs are so much better.
Instead, why not try something like: "Wow! What a cute cat. I'm not generally a big cat person, but that one is really nice."
It does no harm whatsoever, will make the person happy, and make you seem like a wonderful individual. I'm not suggesting you offer to mind their cat when they're on holiday or anything, Just pay them a compliment that will cost you nothing.
Or let's say someone says they're going to quit their job to take up sculpting. Sure, you probably think they're crazy and taking a huge risk, but it's their risk to take. Why not compliment them on their talent instead?
The thing is that if there's something negative to be said about someone's decisions, tastes or abilities, someone else has almost certainly pointed it out to them. There's no need for you to be the bad guy in most cases, and really it will cost you dearly. Of course, many people see criticism as great sport, but it's a costly pastime especially in terms of your relationships.
There will always be cases where you should give people advice that they may not like, but this occurs much less often than most people realize. Instead, generally, it's best to just go with the flow and tell them what they want to hear. It's almost certainly more constructive, as it will strengthen the bonds of your relationship.
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