
| 
Do lots of small favors for people
Sunday, 29 April 2007
One of the most powerful unspoken rules in human behavior is that of reciprocation. In other words, if I do you a favor, I expect you to do one for me in return. The need for reciprocation is so strong that it can lead to violence if it's broken. And you can use it to your advantage.
What I've found, in my interactions with other people, is that if you're the sort of person who does lots of small favors then people will tend to want to help you. This works particularly well if you give the impression that you don't really care if the favor's returned. You simply do nice things for people because you're a nice person.
For example, let's say you're out with a colleague from work. That person's running a little short on money and has to go home early. Why not offer to buy them a couple of drinks? It will only cost you a little bit of money, and that person will likely be thankful to you and feel obliged to you for a long time afterwards.
Or let's say you come home to find a neighbor is locked out of their apartment. They're waiting for a locksmith and they have a few bags of shopping. Why not invite them in to wait in comfort? This tiny inconvenience to you will mean a great deal to them. They'll like you immensely for it and you'll probably make a new friend.
So many people are so stingy with their time and money that someone who isn't stands out as exceptional. And most of what we're talking about here is petty - a few dollars here, a few minutes there. Giving out these small amounts to the world will almost certainly get returned to you tenfold.
But what about those who'll take advantage of such generosity?
This is always a big worry for generous people. Let's face it, if you're going to give things out to people, some of them will take advantage of you. It's guaranteed and something you should accept.
However, there are a few measures you can take to protect yourself against such cheats. The first is to judge people by their track records. If someone has a history of taking advantage of others, then you can assume that they'll continue doing so.
The second this is to develop a sensitivity to cheats. They tend to reveal themselves pretty easily. Generally, they're over-confident in asking others for favors. They're pushy and demand gifts rather than waiting for them to be given. If someone behaves in this way, it's usually a reasonable assumption that they're trying to cheat you.
But even if you do get occasionally cheated, don't work yourself up too much about it. In the long run, you're still likely to receive much more back from the world than you give out. This is especially true if you give lots of small favors that haven't been asked for.
This is one of the best techniques in human relationship building. The need to reciprocate is so powerful in most people, that they'll feel grateful to you long after the actual event.
 | How to be cool | | Yes, yes I know. The title of this article is a little immodest. I'm not saying that I'm the world's coolest man or anything like that. In fact, underneath it all I'm a bit of a geek. |  | What to do when you've made a life-shatteringly bad decision | | Let's face it, despite our often high opinions of ourselves, we're all human really. There's not a person on this planet who hasn't made an incredibly stupid decision at some stage that's had life-changing consequences. You'll certainly make such a dumb call yourself some day, as will I and everybody else. |  | How to get control of your body | | The evidence that people in rich modern societies have lost control of their bodies is widespread. Poor eating, drug use, and lack of exercise are common habits. Why is it that we have such difficulty gaining power over our bodies, and what can we do about it? |  | Perfect contentment leads to stagnation | | Have a look at how so many of us live our lives. We get up in the morning, go out all day and work, work, work. Whether in a rich country or a poor one, a good neighbourhood or bad, you can be sure that most of the people around you will be working most of the time. |  | Get yourself some allies | | People I know who are introverted often tell me they don't really understand why outgoing people expend so much time and effort on socialising. They see it all as being a bit shallow and a waste of effort. But I think they miss the point in a lot of ways. |  | Get over yourself | | We live in a culture that's obsessed with self-esteem. A person can achieve no greater thing than believe in their own special importance, or so we're told. |  | Do lots of small, cheap experiments | | I once met a guy who'd built a successful website that he'd made a lot of money from. It's always interesting to talk to people who've done well, so I asked him what his secret was. |  | Learn how to deal with the unknown | | Deep down inside, it's human nature to have a fear of that which we haven't had direct experience with. The default setting for many of us seems to be suspicion of people, food, countries, organizations and any number of other things we don't know much about. |  | Give away lots of little gifts | | It amazes me how many people don't pay attention to developing their relationships. Other people are extremely useful in life. Indeed, for me, I think they are probably my favourite thing in the whole world. A good connection with another can be the most wonderful thing you can have. |  | It's extremely difficult to change people | | Most of us have someone in our life we'd like to change. It might be a lover, a child, a boss, or a neighbor. We try every trick at our disposal to meet that end, but in general we are likely to fail. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
| 
|