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Something that makes people fearful and angry
Friday, 29 December 2006
Why do some problems make people absolutely furious, while others seem to run off them like water off a duck's back? What is it that causes more fear and loathing than anything else?
These are obviously big questions for which a definite answer is difficult. I'm going to propose one that I think makes sense, however. One of the reasons people become fearful and angry when reality fails to meet their expectations.
The human capacity to endure suffering seems enormous. When I've met those who suffer bad health problems, I've been often amazed at how well they deal with their terrible circumstances. They are often resigned to their fate and see it as simply something they have to deal with.
At the same time, I'm often amazed at the events which will send sane people into virtual fits of rage. A train being a few minutes late or a slight lapse of service in a restaurant can make people so angry they seem about to explode. Yet these problems are so minor they almost aren't worth mentioning.
Each of us in our minds forms a picture of how reality should work. We all have standards of behavior we feel others should meet, theories about the functioning of the world, and beliefs about what the future should hold. This is a carefully crafted model which we often have a strong emotional attachment to.
The problem with such models is that they're bound to be flawed. For all our intelligence, the world is vastly more complex than we can ever hope to fathom. The way reality unfolds before us is bound to be different from how we expect, simply because there many more variables involved in it than our minds can ever hope to comprehend or anticipate. That's why the world has a nasty habit of surprising us.
Yet when the models of the world we hold in our minds fail to match up to the way reality behaves, it often outrages us. "How dare the world be different than I say it should!" many of us want to scream. "I am the one in control".
And there lies the problem. We're all so desperate to control the world, that we can't bear when it shows us the truth of the matter - that it has far more power over us than we can ever hope to have over it. This loss of control and predictability taps into our deepest fears. It shatters the illusion that we are the ones in charge.
So when this happens, people naturally become angry. Anger is often a negotiation technique. You can see it in the temper-tantrum of any child. When people lose control over what they want, they try to negotiate their way out of the situation. And anger is one of the most popular tools we have for doing so.
I think this goes a long way towards explaining much of people's fear and loathing that they display in the face of bad situations. There are many aspects of reality we would prefer not to have to deal with, but have long ago resigned ourselves to - that we need to sleep, that we get sick sometimes, that we have to work, and so on. But when we lose control over things we previously believed we were in charge of, the emotional impact can be devastating.
Look for this when people become angry around you, or when you yourself fall into a rage. Often, you'll be able to see that this is the root of the problem.
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