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Make good attributes part of your identity
Friday, 26 October 2007
We all have a picture of who we are inside our heads. Sure, you might be an accountant who lives in Miami, but it extends much further than this.
Here are some examples of attributes you may believe about yourself:
- I'm a smoker.
- I'm not very good looking.
- I'm much smarter than average.
- I'm shy in big groups.
- I'm not very good at mathematics.
- I'm terrible with money.
- I've always been good at making people like me.
- I don't like tomatoes.
This list may not be a reflection of you, but I'm sure you could write a long one that is. In fact, that may well be a worthwhile exercise.
Having such identifying beliefs is healthy and necessary. That's why we have them. After all, we don't want to get out of bed a random person each day.
Such beliefs come from a number of places. They may be something we've made our mind up about. Or they may be something we've formed after feedback from reality. However they get there, such beliefs can be extremely hard to change.
Anyone who's ever tried to give up smoking knows how hard it is to remove the "I'm a smoker" attribute from your psyche.
It's often worth going over your list of attributes and looking for ones that you'd like to change. Identifying some part of your identity that you're not happy with. Here's an example from my own life recently.
I used to think I was someone who didn't enjoy going to the gym. I like exercise, but I always thought the gym was boring and not worthwhile.
A few months ago, I started a new job in a place where they have a free gym. A colleague convinced me to go to one of the classes there and I enjoyed it. I now go twice a week. It's become part of my identity.
Indeed, this isn't just an internal phenomenon. It's external too. People at work now see me as a "gym-goer". My family and friends were a bit sceptical at first, but now they've come to identify me as such a person too.
That's not to say changing an inner belief is easy. You have to overcome your internal need for consistency, as well as the external factors.
Let's say part of your identity is "I'm ugly". You can't just wake up one morning and decide "I'm beautiful" instead.
Slowly, and with persistence, you must prove to yourself and the world that "beautiful" is a new part of your identity. You have to start getting regular exercise, lose weight, dress better, stand taller, and groom with more care. At first this will feel alien and wrong. You'll imagine yourself an imposter.
Yet with work, that change in identity will start to pay off. I'm not saying you'll be offered a leading role in a block-buster movie, but you'll start to notice people paying more attention to you as a physical being. This positive feedback will start to change your internal beliefs. You'll get the reward so will want to work harder.
And thus your identity changes.
It's important to make good attributes part of your identity, and reject the bad ones. Think about which internal beliefs you're not happy with, and work to change them.
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