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Convince people to sell themselves to you
Sunday, 26 August 2007
What do you want from others? Love? Respect? Money? Fame? In many social relationships there is a component of power involved. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but it's a fact so you might as well deal with it. In many one-on-one interactions, you will notice that one person is more dominant than the other. One is calling the shots, while the other reacts.
How do you become the one calling the shots?
The answer is to reach a point where people are selling themselves to you. This is one of the primary ways you can determine where the power lays in a relationship. One person's doing the convincing, and the other's listening and deciding.
This is a great position to be in with many of the people you deal with in everyday life. Most people instinctively know this, but don't acknowledge it consciously.
That's why so many people despise pushy-salesmen. It's not because they necessarily do anything noxious (although many do). It's that they're completely lowering their value to you in the hope of getting something out of you. They're the ones doing the convincing, so they must be of much lower value than you.
There are all sorts of strategies for reaching the point of the one being sold to. I'm not going to go into them here, but instead focus on the end result.
You can tell when someone has reached that point with you, because they'll be doing most of the talking. They'll be trying to impress you, convince you, seduce you. If you can spot someone doing this, it's a sure sign that they consider you the dominant person in the relationship. They see you as the one who should be calling the shots, whether that's what you want or not.
So what should you do when you reach that point?
Simply shut up. Let them talk away. Acknowledge their point of view, nod and smile, but don't bother trying to sell anything back to them. They already think you're the person with the power, so why do anything that might convince them otherwise?
When dealing with social situations, especially with new people, look for times when you reach this hook point. Times when suddenly someone seems intent on selling themselves to you. What happened leading up to that point? When did you notice the sudden change?
Knowing how to convince people to sell themselves to you is a powerful skill to have. Observe social situations, and try to figure out how this dynamic works.
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