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Resist the urge to criticize all the time
Sunday, 25 December 2005
Are you the type of person who has to tell everyone that they're wrong all the time? Does the tiniest fault in others drive you crazy to the point of having to carp on about it? If so, then what you're doing is counter-productive to your best interests.
People who criticize and complain constantly often think that they're serving some kind of public interest. By pointing out to everyone what's wrong with them and the world in general, they hope to improve things. It may be a comforting thought, but it's just plain wrong.
If you are the type of person who criticizes and complains all the time, you are only really achieving two things. Those are:
- Making those around you resent you.
- Making those around you ignore your opinions.
Nobody likes to be told that they're wrong, hopeless or stupid. They won't thank you for pointing it out to them, even if you think it's true. Rather, they'll just think you're rude and have nothing to do with you.
Even worse, constant criticism is likely to reduce your influence over others. If you think that complaining about everything is a good way to change things, you're likely to be disappointed. Like the boy who cried wolf, those who carp all the time are likely to find their views ignored. When they have genuine cause for criticism, their influence over others will be greatly reduced.
Of course, sometimes it's necessary to complain or criticize. If something is genuinely a problem with real negative consequences, then of course you should point it out to someone. However, these events are generally rare.
In many cases, you may be creating a big deal over nothing. Worse, there's a good possibility (although hard for many to admit) that you are the one who's wrong.
Someone who criticizes rarely, but chooses those occasions they do carefully, is likely to find their views treated with respect. They are also likely to find their relationships much stronger.
It is not necessary to criticize and complain constantly. It can be such an ingrained habit that it is hard to break. Make efforts to bite your lip when you feel a disparaging remark about to pass it. Spend some time erring on the side of carping too little, until you break the habit.
Your relationships and influence on others will be all the better off for it.
 | Six simple ways to get more out of life | | We all sometimes feel a bit drab and down, when everything seems a bit pointless and empty. If you're feeling that way, here are some suggestions of simple things to do to get more out of life. |  | Work on your weaknesses first | | We all know somebody who's excellent in some parts of their lives, but performs poorly at others. You might be such a person yourself. It's so much easier to spend time improving what we're already good at, than to concentrate on our weaknesses. | | Don't waste your life tied up in petty squabbles | | There's a guy I know who always seems to be involved in some kind of dispute. He'll spend months fighting the council over a parking ticket, the tax office over his income tax, and his workmates over the volume of their phone's ring. No matter how small the disagreement, he just can't seem to let himself back down or drop it. |  | Get control of your auto-pilot | | The world is a complicated and chaotic place. There's much too much going on for any of us ever to be able to come to grips with it all. But humans have developed a way to cope with this overwhelming complexity. It's called routine. | | Don't be afraid to ask dumb questions | | Richard Feynman, a Nobel Prize winning physicist and one of the greatest geniuses of the 20th century, was a great believer in asking dumb questions. In fact, his autobiography Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman, goes into great detail about his habit of asking the most basic of questions. | | A good anger management trick | | We all get angry sometimes and “lose it”. Good things rarely come from such episodes. Wouldn’t it be better if we could deal with the world more rationally, and keep negative emotions out of it all? Here’s a good trick for doing just that. |  | How to deal with many of the world's troublemakers | | Nobody lives on planet Earth for long without discovering that it's full of troublemakers - people who delight in making life difficult for others. Almost immediately most of us start our interactions with other people as young children, we come across some kid who wants to stir things up for no good reason. | | Work hard to give yourself lots of options and opportunities | | Always finish what you start, is an adage that many people try to follow. And it's a good one in a lot of ways. But it probably focusses too much on the importance of the entire process towards achieving a goal. Generally, it's the earlier part that's most important, in my view. | | Face some moments of truth | | What leads us to want to improve ourselves? Where is it that we can even find out how such an improvement can occur? The answer, generally is in moments of truth. | | Five simple memory tricks | | Here are a few really simple tricks for remembering things that I've found useful. None of them are going to revolutionize your life, but I think you’ll see they come in handy. |
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