|
Most people start with a conclusion and then search for the facts to support it
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Most of us realise that the people we deal with in everyday life often aren't rational. They behave in ways that bewilder. They do things that seem immoral, stupid and not in their own interests. They hold beliefs that just seem crazy.
What gives? Why are people so frustrating?
Something I figured out long ago is that people rarely change their opinions on anything. This seems to become even truer as they get older. On almost every topic that will affect them, most people have made up their minds long ago and aren't going to change them any time soon.
Look at politics as an example. The vast majority of us support one particular political party and aren't going to change no matter what. I meet people all the time whose political party could start behaving like the Nazis, and they'd still support them out of some kind of loyalty.
On subjects as wide ranging as manners, food, lifestyle, morals and movies, people are generally very set in their ways. Indeed, they're immune to arguments against the conclusions they've already drawn.
I can even see it in myself. When forced to decide on a particular topic, I'm usually pretty quick to draw a conclusion. Then, unless I make a conscious effort to do so, it becomes very difficult to change my mind. Indeed, the weight of an already drawn conclusion is so heavy, that lifting it aside can be near impossible.
Most people get around the uncomfortable feeling changing their mind makes in them by ignoring any arguments to the contrary. Look at the newspapers and blogs people read. Usually, they go for something that exactly represents their own views, and ignore or ridicule anything contrary.
I don't even bother, generally, trying to convince anyone of anything that they've already had time to make up their minds on. I just know that any arguments I make, no matter how rational, will just be like shouting into a vacuum. Indeed, once people realise I'm trying to convince them of something, I can see them switch off.
It's an unfortunate fact of life, but most people start with a conclusion and search for the facts to support it. In an ideal world they'd be doing the opposite, but we don't live in an ideal world.
Realising this basic fact can make life a lot less frustrating.
 | Don't get too hung up on any one particular outcome | | One mistake I often see in those who are frustrated with their lives is that they focus too heavily on one particular outcome. A classic example of this is the guy who's worked at the same company for 10 years and been passed over for promotion the last 5. |  | Don't hate your body too much, it's the most amazing machine on the planet | | We live in a society fixated on machines and gadgets. The media obsesses over iPods, BMWs, laptops and phones. And we consumers gobble up every titbit of information available on those topics. |  | Bring things out into the sunlight | | Human relationships go sour for all sorts of reasons. They are inherently complicated. But there are some reasons for bad feelings that are avoidable. One of the most common, is the refusal of many people to bring problems out into the open. | | Do lots of small, cheap experiments | | I once met a guy who'd built a successful website that he'd made a lot of money from. It's always interesting to talk to people who've done well, so I asked him what his secret was. |  | Start planning your escape | | The film The Shawshank Redemption is a very good fable about the human condition. If you haven't seen it, I recommend going down to the local video store and grabbing a copy. | | Take lots of small losses for some big wins | | Poker strategy contains many good lessons about dealing with the world. The best of all is that you have to be willing to take lots of small losses in order to hunt out a few big gains. |  | How to get out of debt | | I meet people all the time who have debt problems. They've taken up banks and finance companies on their offers of easy money, and spent it on consumer goods like holidays and cars. Now they've got the bill, and they're finding it's bigger than they expected. They passed on problems to their future self and now the future is here and they're regretting that decision. | | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. | | Make good attributes part of your identity | | We all have a picture of who we are inside our heads. Sure, you might be an accountant who lives in Miami, but it extends much further than this. | | How to get control of your body | | The evidence that people in rich modern societies have lost control of their bodies is widespread. Poor eating, drug use, and lack of exercise are common habits. Why is it that we have such difficulty gaining power over our bodies, and what can we do about it? |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|