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No matter what you do, some people won't like you
Thursday, 24 May 2007
When I was a teenager, I worked out that convincing people to like me was a useful skill to have. I tried all sorts of strategies and experiments for doing just that. Soon, I became a virtual expert.
Yet despite my efforts, there was always some people I'd come across who'd refuse to like me no matter what I did. This would really frustrate me and I'd put extra effort into convincing them. I figured there must be some kind of weakness in my strategy. I became obsessed with the problem they presented. How could they be so immune to my charms?
Today, I realize that no matter what you do, some people aren't going to like you. To try to charm everyone is a futile effort. Some people just aren't going to fall for you, no matter how hard you try.
This occurs for a few different reasons, but here are the main ones I've figured out.
The first, is that some people have very fixed views on what's right and what's wrong. They'll judge you on what kind of person they think you are. And often different groups have diametrically opposed views.
For example, let's say you're the type of person who isn't bothered by gay people. You may be a strong supporter of gay rights and may even be gay yourself. Because of this, many gay people will probably like and agree with you.
However, there is a section of the community who's strongly opposed to homosexuality. If you don't meet their criteria of hating gays, they'll probably choose not to like you.
As you can see, there are some areas where by agreeing with one group, you'll become the enemy of the other. Religion, abortion, politics and the like are all areas where you are vulnerable in this respect. There's even a saying to describe it: "You can't be all things to all people".
The other main reason you'll come across people who refuse to like you whatever you do, is that some individuals use withholding their approval as a type of power play. If they see you as somebody competent or with status, they can hate you in order to try to prove themselves better. Others simply hate many people as a way of trying to obtain control over others. I'm sure you've come across many such people in your own life.
Putting effort into charming people is an important life skill to have. But don't get too hung up on the fact that you'll come across some people who are immune to your charms. It's an inevitable part of life and something we all have to deal with.
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