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Difficult choices can paralyse you, if you let them
Thursday, 23 November 2006
When I was just getting started out on my career, I landed a good job doing technology work on a high-profile project for a large compay. Some people were impressed with the work I'd done while based in England, so they decided to send me out to Singapore to set things up for the project there. It was a pretty exciting opportunity for a young and inexperienced person like me. It would also look impressive on my resume that I'd worked in Asia.
So I flew out to Singapore and was welcomed at the airport by the company's head of marketing for Asia/Pacific, my new boss. She drove me out to my hotel and helped me settle in. The next day I started work. I was given my own office and treated like a visiting VIP by the other staff. Heady stuff for the kid I was.
I started to notice that something was wrong in Sinapore at that time. A haze of smoke hung over the city like a thick fog. I'd been to there before, and never noticed anything like this, so I asked people what was going on.
It seemed that on a nearby Indonesian island, the farmers had a nasty habit of setting fire to the jungle during the dry season in order to clear land. That particular year, the fires had been larger and more intense than usual. They'd sent thick white smoke over a large area, blanketing Singapore in smog.
A few days passed and the smoke got thicker and worse. All the local media outlets were saying that the problem was minor, but Singapore's media has a reputation for saying what the government wants it to, not what was necessarily really happening.
Vendors on the street were selling face-masks, and more people were starting to wear them. Soon, the face masks sold out, and CNN was reporting that the airport may have to be shut due to poor visibility.
The smog was getting worse, and my health and that of those around me was getting affected by it. I started coughing and feeling quite sick.
I spoke to my boss about the problem, but she seemed to be in denial. I told her the smog was affecting my health, but she said she felt fine and things weren't too bad. I told her to look outside the window at the thick white smoke that was everywhere, but she said she wasn't worried about that.
I called my old boss in England, and he told me not to panic. He said the work I was doing was really important and they needed me there. He also said the Asian boss had told him things weren't as bad as I was saying.
Reports on CNN started coming in that the smog covering South-Esast Asia was getting worse, and the fires were more out of control. They recommended people stay inside as much as possible.
I began to get really worried. I faced a difficult choice. If I left the country without getting permission from my boss, I'd likely lose my job. But if I stayed, it was pretty clear my health was going to be affected. Also, there was no telling how bad things could get. Singapore is an island, and if they closed the airport, I'd be stuck there.
I decided it was time to take action. I went to a local travel agent and booked the first flight I could get to Australia. I called both my bosses and told them I'd be leaving and they could contact me at my parent's house in Australia if they needed me. They were both very angry, and threatened my job.
But after things settled down, no overall consequences came of my actions. I got to keep working on the project in the same role. I went back to Singapore three months later, after the smog had cleared. The boss who'd told me to stay there was now quite sick and had a serious cough from the smog. Almost everyone I spoke to told me I'd made the right decision, and they were worried that their own health had been affected permanently.
I'd faced a difficult choice, but hadn't allowed it to paralyse me. If I'd stayed, I may have ruined my health. If I left, I may have ruined my career. Choices don't get much starker than that. But in the end, I made the decision that was right for me.
I believe I chose the least worst option.
Throughout life we're often faced with such decisions - where all the options seem bad and the right choice isn't obvious. Many people let this paralyse them into non-action. This is often the worst decision of all.
A common variation of this theme is when a long-term relationship isn't working out. I've known quite a few guys who've bought a house with their partner, only to have the relationship sour a few years later. These men hate their lives. They're in a relationship with someone they no longer want to be with, but they feel trapped because of the financial consequences if they leave.
I often say to them something along the lines of "Okay, you're in a situation where you stand to lose a lot of money by leaving, but your only other option is to stay with someone you don't want to be with for the rest of your life. Is that really what you want to do?"
Both options are terrible, but waiting isn't going to help things. The situation is what it is, and they just need to be brave and deal with it.
People stuck in jobs they hate are another good example. They're underpaid, their boss is a bully, and their work sucks, yet still they stay for years and years no matter how miserable they are.
That's because the alternative is also distasteful. To search for another job they have to do boring resume updates, go to stressful interviews, face possible rejection, and maybe at the end get another job that they also hate.
Neither option is ideal, but at least the second one offers the possibility for escape from a life of misery. Once again, letting themselves be paralysed by the difficult alternatives isn't really a good option.
Life isn't simple, and often the only choices we face are a range of bad ones. Don't let this paralyse you into inaction. Be brave enough to choose the least bad option, no matter how scary that may be.
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