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People are flawed, deal with it
Thursday, 22 February 2007
Like most people, I've had all kinds of disappointments and things that make me angry in life. Sometimes, I just can't believe that the world can be as cruel as it appears.
When I think about the single biggest factor that has shocked and disappointed me most about reality, it almost always comes back to things people have done. Those who I thought were friends have betrayed me, those I thought I could trust have cheated me, or those I thought cared have neglected me. This, above all else, has been a source of misery to me on many occasions.
But I'm beginning to figure the whole thing out.
I think I, like most of us, have pretty high expectations of the people I interact with. I've built up this framework of rules and morals that I expect them to follow, because those are the rules and morals I myself try to follow. But I think this is naive. Most people just do whatever the heck they want. And if my interests happen to conflict with theirs ... well too bad for me. This seems to be the case even if they're people who appear to really like me and show loyalty.
The people we share this Earth with aren't angels or gods. They're not born particularly good or noble. They're all flawed to some extent, just like you and me.
We humans like to think we're some kind of higher beings, and in some ways we are. You just have to listen to some of the music we've produced, the books we've written and the science problems we've solved. But all this is just a fraction of who we really are.
The truth is that most of us are petty, shallow and self-obsessed much of the time. We don't focus on the problems that are noble, but those that come from our most base desires. We seek love, status and material comfort above all else, and God help anyone who gets in our way. That's just the way the vast majority of us are, and to pretend otherwise is just wishful thinking.
I'm not saying you should hate people, hide from them or treat them with nonstop suspicion. There's all sorts of things about most of us that are lovable, wise and trustworthy. I am saying not to go too far in your appreciation of humanity's finer points. Realize that we're all flawed and capable of selfish and destructive acts.
That's just the way life is. And as regular readers know, I think basing your decisions of unpleasant truths is a much smarter way to go than dressing things up in pretty lies.
 | How to be cool | | Yes, yes I know. The title of this article is a little immodest. I'm not saying that I'm the world's coolest man or anything like that. In fact, underneath it all I'm a bit of a geek. |  | What to do when you've made a life-shatteringly bad decision | | Let's face it, despite our often high opinions of ourselves, we're all human really. There's not a person on this planet who hasn't made an incredibly stupid decision at some stage that's had life-changing consequences. You'll certainly make such a dumb call yourself some day, as will I and everybody else. |  | How to get control of your body | | The evidence that people in rich modern societies have lost control of their bodies is widespread. Poor eating, drug use, and lack of exercise are common habits. Why is it that we have such difficulty gaining power over our bodies, and what can we do about it? |  | Perfect contentment leads to stagnation | | Have a look at how so many of us live our lives. We get up in the morning, go out all day and work, work, work. Whether in a rich country or a poor one, a good neighbourhood or bad, you can be sure that most of the people around you will be working most of the time. |  | Get yourself some allies | | People I know who are introverted often tell me they don't really understand why outgoing people expend so much time and effort on socialising. They see it all as being a bit shallow and a waste of effort. But I think they miss the point in a lot of ways. | | Get over yourself | | We live in a culture that's obsessed with self-esteem. A person can achieve no greater thing than believe in their own special importance, or so we're told. | | Do lots of small, cheap experiments | | I once met a guy who'd built a successful website that he'd made a lot of money from. It's always interesting to talk to people who've done well, so I asked him what his secret was. | | Learn how to deal with the unknown | | Deep down inside, it's human nature to have a fear of that which we haven't had direct experience with. The default setting for many of us seems to be suspicion of people, food, countries, organizations and any number of other things we don't know much about. | | Give away lots of little gifts | | It amazes me how many people don't pay attention to developing their relationships. Other people are extremely useful in life. Indeed, for me, I think they are probably my favourite thing in the whole world. A good connection with another can be the most wonderful thing you can have. | | It's extremely difficult to change people | | Most of us have someone in our life we'd like to change. It might be a lover, a child, a boss, or a neighbor. We try every trick at our disposal to meet that end, but in general we are likely to fail. |
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