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People are flawed, deal with it
Thursday, 22 February 2007
Like most people, I've had all kinds of disappointments and things that make me angry in life. Sometimes, I just can't believe that the world can be as cruel as it appears.
When I think about the single biggest factor that has shocked and disappointed me most about reality, it almost always comes back to things people have done. Those who I thought were friends have betrayed me, those I thought I could trust have cheated me, or those I thought cared have neglected me. This, above all else, has been a source of misery to me on many occasions.
But I'm beginning to figure the whole thing out.
I think I, like most of us, have pretty high expectations of the people I interact with. I've built up this framework of rules and morals that I expect them to follow, because those are the rules and morals I myself try to follow. But I think this is naive. Most people just do whatever the heck they want. And if my interests happen to conflict with theirs ... well too bad for me. This seems to be the case even if they're people who appear to really like me and show loyalty.
The people we share this Earth with aren't angels or gods. They're not born particularly good or noble. They're all flawed to some extent, just like you and me.
We humans like to think we're some kind of higher beings, and in some ways we are. You just have to listen to some of the music we've produced, the books we've written and the science problems we've solved. But all this is just a fraction of who we really are.
The truth is that most of us are petty, shallow and self-obsessed much of the time. We don't focus on the problems that are noble, but those that come from our most base desires. We seek love, status and material comfort above all else, and God help anyone who gets in our way. That's just the way the vast majority of us are, and to pretend otherwise is just wishful thinking.
I'm not saying you should hate people, hide from them or treat them with nonstop suspicion. There's all sorts of things about most of us that are lovable, wise and trustworthy. I am saying not to go too far in your appreciation of humanity's finer points. Realize that we're all flawed and capable of selfish and destructive acts.
That's just the way life is. And as regular readers know, I think basing your decisions of unpleasant truths is a much smarter way to go than dressing things up in pretty lies.
 | How to find yourself | | Along with the problem of trying to figure out how the world works, we also all have a similar problem of discovering exactly who it is we are. People are always surprising themselves with behavior they didn’t expect and thoughts they feel aren’t entirely in their control. |  | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. |  | How to get a job paying more than $100,000 a year | | How do people get themselves into a position of earning good incomes at young ages? Why do some people work hard for minimum wage while others have cushy jobs that are well-paid? Most importantly, how can you become one of the latter? | | Becoming more self-absorbed probably isn't going to solve your problems | | There are many books and articles written about how to improve your life. Many focus on changing what's going on inside your head. They want you to think more positively, change your inner conversation, and carefully examine your past. In general, they have one thing in common, they want you to become more self-absorbed. |  | The easiest way to fool smart people | | There’s a saying among con-men that smart people are easier targets, because they don’t think they can be conned. I’m not sure if that’s true, but there’s one scam that’s almost guaranteed to make smart people switch off their brains and reach for their wallets. | | You can't trust people with money | | What is it with money that makes otherwise good people lose all moral perspective? The dubious real-estate agent may well be a good and trustworthy friend away from the office, but he'll tell his clients anything to get a few extra dollars out of them. |  | Evidence that success comes from self-discipline | | An interesting experiment on the nature of success was started by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s. He decided to test the self-discipline of children at an early age, then trace their relative success as their lives went on. |  | If you have a problem, look in the mirror first for its source | | Consider the following scenario. Mr Smith has been a dedicated employee at a big company for over fifteen years. He has a mortgage, two children at private school, and a nice car, all paid for with debt. | | Understanding the games people play | | A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play. | | Whatever you say or do in this world, someone will strongly disapprove | | Wouldn't it be great if everyone just loved us and thought everything we did and said was right? What an easy life that would be. Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen any time soon. Pretty much anything you do or say is going to make somebody angry, upset, or despairing of your intelligence and sanity. |
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