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It's worth staying around for the good times
Sunday, 22 January 2006
Let's face it, sometimes life can be truly awful. Horrible things happen in the world, often for no apparent reason. Nobody can avoid some level of pain or misery in life, although some receive more than others.
Every day ordinary people face circumstances of extraordinary cruelty. People we love die, those we trust cheat us, we get sick, we go broke, people are nasty to us for no good reason, or we just feel terrible for reasons we don't understand. The list of things that can and do go wrong is long. And these things aren't rare.
Life can be a terrible struggle. Sometimes, everyone but a pathological optimist has to ask themselves the obvious question - is it worth going on?
The most famous lines of the most famous play by the most famous writer in English deals with exactly this question. For that is what Shakespeare's Hamlet was contemplating when he said:
"To be or not to be, --that is the question:--
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"
But I think there is a reason to go on, no matter how bad and hopeless things seem. And that's because no matter who we are, and how much the world seems to hate us, it sometimes give us some of its good things. And some of them are so good that it's unbelievable how lucky we are to get them, if even for only a short time.
Think of the times in your life when you've experienced love, kindness and friendship. The feeling you get when you listen to your favorite music, watch a great movie, eat a delicious meal or sleep a good night's sleep.
The natural beauty of the world - the oceans, the forests, the sunsets, the thunderstorms, the snowfields. The wonderful art that's been created by humanity, the great books, the sports we have available to us, the festivals and live entertainment.
Picture, if you can, all the good things that would be lost if a meteorite struck the Earth and wiped out all life and civilization. If it all just vanished into the void - from the paintings of da Vinci, to the films of Steven Spielberg, the games of tennis and football, right down to the simple hamburger. Your family, your best friends from school, your pets, your favorite places, your most treasured music. Gone - all destroyed in a random moment.
What a terrible loss that would be.
And you were here to witness and experience all those wonderful things. Some of the best that life has to offer was bought to right to you.
Sometimes we have to be a bit philosophical about it all. Life can be a drag sometimes. Any honest person will admit it. But mixed in with the bad times are some amazingly good things - even if we don't get to experience them as much as we'd like. At least we get them sometimes.
It's worth staying around just for those precious moments.
 | Look for the underlying pattern | | We humans are pattern-spotting machines. The world can often seem complex and random, but if you look under the covers, you can sometimes find an underlying pattern for its behaviour. In fact, it's the discovery of such patterns that have driven our development forward in many areas. |  | Don't get too easily discouraged | | Occasionally, you may come across someone who appears as if they were born an expert in something. Perhaps it's sport, meeting people, business or family. Some of us just seem to be stars, while others are common. | | Test yourself out on the real world | | Each of us lives in two different places. The real world in which our bodies are firmly anchored, and a shadow-world of fantasies, rules-of-thumb and strategies that flows in the space between our ears. | | Fill your life up with interesting stuff | | We all feel a bit down sometimes. "To be or not to be, that is the question;" Shakespeare's Hamlet famously said. "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing, end them." |  | My eight best negotiation tips | | Negotiation is a part of life we all have to deal with. Being able to do so successfully can make a big difference to our outcomes. Here are eight tips that have helped me. | | Is there something you want? Why not ask for it? | | One of the big differences that I've noticed between those who get what they want and those who don't comes down to one simple behavior - whether they're willing to ask for it. |  | Understanding the games people play | | A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play. | | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. | | Be adaptable in a changing world | | When I look and listen to the people around me, I get the impression that many of them are terribly afraid of change. You can see it in the way they cling desperately to a job they hate, keep friends who are obviously bad for them, and stay in abusive relationships. | | It's not going to just fall into your lap | | I meet a lot of people who are dissatisfied with their lives. They feel they don't have enough money, enough love or enough recognition. They see others around them getting all the rewards while they're passed by for the good things in life. |
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