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The easiest way to make friends
Monday, 21 November 2005
There are all sorts of theories about how to make friends. There's a very famous book on that subject. From smiling a lot, to being humble, the strategies always sound good. There's one that's almost unbeatable though.
It's simply to be around.
In most cases, people tend to form friendships with those that they spend a lot of time with. It's simple really. There's no fancy tricks. Just spend a lot of time with someone, be friendly towards them, and you'll likely become comrades.
Where do people make most of their friends?
At school, at work and at home. That's because these are places where people tend to spend a lot of time around strangers. Nobody wants to be stuck with a group of strangers long term, so everyone has a natural incentive to want to join in camaraderie.
People care most about those they're familiar with. In fact, it's incredible the lengths someone will go to in order to maintain a friendship based on little more than spending a lot of time in proximity to one another. Everyone has a friend from who they've had to put up with some pretty shocking behavior.
I've had a friend crash my car and punch me in the face. I've had others who've borrowed money and never paid it back.
I'm sure you've had something nasty happen to you because of a friendship before. Common sense tells us just to dump such people, but the pull of loyalty can be powerful. Simply because we've spent a lot of time with someone, we're likely to forgive behavior that we may even call in the police for if it was a stranger involved.
So if you're in need of more friends, put yourself somewhere you'll have a long-term exposure to the same group of people. You may want to move into an apartment block with some shared facilities. Or you may want to change jobs. Or join some type of course or schooling that goes for a long time and which you'll have to attend regularly. These are all great ways to meet people and form friendships.
Of course, you'll have to put in a bit of an effort to talk to people as well. Simply introducing yourself can go a long way.
Most people take a little while to get to know one another, so you can't expect it to happen straight away, but stick around and a connection will almost certainly form.
After that, keep showing up, give it a bit of time, and you'll likely be forming lifelong friendships.
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