|
The only way to win an argument with your emotions
Most people notice two parts of their conscious mind - the rational top layer, and the emotional underlayer. Of course, psychologists have more technical terms and theories for how our minds work, but for our purposes this simplification will work.
The rational layer analyses what's happening to us, and the emotional layer interprets how we feel about that. When we solve a math problem, make plans for the future, or look both ways before crossing the road, we're using our rational layer. When we become frightened, sad, or lazy, we're using our emotional layer. These two sides of ourselves are in constant conversation with one another. We use them both to make decisions.
Some people believe that by becoming perfectly rational, and shedding our emotional layer altogether, we can live better lives. I disagree. It's our emotional layer that makes us human. What's the point of having a good relationship if we are incapable of feeling love, for example.
Even our negative emotions serve a purpose. They tell us that something's wrong. It's feeling lonely that motivates us to make friends.
Emotions are somewhat like physical pain. Physical pain can be a terrible thing, but it is necessary. Without the sharp pain of being burnt, we wouldn't know to lift our hand off a hot stove.
The necessity of pain is apparent to anyone who's suffered nerve damage leading to numb feet. Such people often do terrible damage to their feet, simply because they don't realize what's happening at the time.
The problem with emotions is that - like physical pain - they're a very blunt tool. Someone with chronic back-pain already knows very well that something's wrong. They don't need to be reminded of it every second of the day. And so it is with someone who's feeling miserable. Your emotions think that keeping on at you is the best and only way to motivate you. They don't realize that you've already got the message.
Emotions are also only generally interested in immediate gratification. If they want something changed, they want it changed now!
They don't have the foresight of the rational layer to see that sacrifice now can pay off in the future. And so if you have to do something where the benefits aren't immediately apparent - such as exercise, study, or keep your temper - your emotions don't understand why. To them, the course of action is obvious. They can't see the future, so why bother?
And so your rational layer, which can see the benefits of delayed gratification, often gets into arguments with your emotions. The internal argument may sound something like this:
Rational layer: "I need to finish this assignment for work".
Emotional layer: "I don't feel like doing that now".
Rational layer: "But it has to be done by tomorrow".
Emotional layer: "I've got a headache. We're not doing it now".
Rational layer: "If I don't get this completed, I'll never get that promotion".
Emotional layer: "I hate your job anyway. I don't want to do it now".
...and so on. I'm sure I don't have to provide you with other examples. Everyone has these internal conversations all the time.
The problem is that intelligent as your rational layer is, it rarely wins such arguments. Your emotional layer is stubborn, and it controls your feelings, so it's not a fair fight. As soon as your rational layer gets into such an argument, you can be virtually sure that it's already lost.
In fact, there's only one method I've found for winning an argument with my emotional layer, and that's not to bother arguing with it at all. Your rational layer knows what has to be done for your own good, and your emotional layer will try to talk you out of it. So whatever the thing you have to do is, just do it. Let your emotional layer kick and scream. It will try everything to talk you out of doing it.
In the same way you would treat a spoilt child, simply ignore your emotional layer and get on with what you have to do. Undertake the action the very second you've decided it has to be done.
If you get into the habit of doing this, your emotional layer will realize that you have it beaten and will decrease its attempts to control your short-term behavior. It will never completely leave you alone, but its demands will become less potent.
Act, and you can seize control away from your emotions.
 | Emotions are like muscles, you need to work them out | | It’s amazing how much of our lives are controlled by our emotions. In fact, it could be said that pretty much everything we do is in pursuit of some sort of emotional comfort. If you’re hungry, lonely or cold, your emotions are going to let you know by making you feel miserable. This is generally a good thing. |  | If investments become cheaper, and you’re a buyer, that’s a good thing | | In the last few years, stock markets around the world have been hammered. Currencies have also fallen to historic lows. People see their portfolios down and are running scared. |  | A key secret of effectiveness | | What is effectiveness exactly? It's a special term that can sell a million books, and make or break a commercial enterprise. It's a key difference between the average and the successful in this life. And the main secret of it is as simple as it is powerful. | | How your identity can hold you back | | We all have this picture inside our heads of who we are. And let's face it, for most of us, we're probably a little bit more generous than reality warrants. Who doesn't secretly believe that they may be a little smarter, more attractive, and more moral than those around them? |  | We are defined by our ignorance | | What defines us as human beings? All sorts of things. But one key quality stands out above almost all others - our complete and utter ignorance. It's the human condition - we know so little about who we are and how the world works, that it almost cripples us. | | Take responsibility for your actions | | Let me tell you a few things about my childhood. When I was seven years old, my parents divorced. They had been fighting many years, and it's difficult for me to remember them ever being in love. |  | Be willing to crash and burn sometimes | | We all have trouble dealing with failure. We play so many mental tricks on ourselves in order to pretend we aren't avoiding it, that they can sometimes become all consuming. At night, while asleep, we have terrible nightmares of others disapproval, or the world rejecting us. | | The conditions are never going to be ideal to get started | | What's interesting about the question "What can I do to improve my life?" is that most people already know the answer. They know what's missing and often exactly which steps they have to take to fix the problem. So why don't they just do it? | | Much of what we see as real exists only in our heads | | Humans are incredibly imaginative creatures. We are constantly coming up with new ideas and re-examining old ones. We are filled with ideas that hold a powerful sway over us, even though many of them have no real existence outside our own heads. | | Don't get too easily discouraged | | Occasionally, you may come across someone who appears as if they were born an expert in something. Perhaps it's sport, meeting people, business or family. Some of us just seem to be stars, while others are common. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|