|
Find the right balance between improving your situation and enjoying it
There's a funny scene in the film "Thank you for smoking" where the main character, a public relations shill for the cigarette industry, is asked how he can do such an unethical job. "Everyone's got to pay the mortgage", he replies.
This is an extremely good analysis of modern life in developed countries. Most people are just doing what they have to in order to pay the mortgage. And usually, it's on a house that's much bigger and grander than they actually need. In some cases, you can replace mortgage with fancy car, expensive holiday, or school fees. And then of course, there are the more abstract rewards such as recognition and status.
The point is that many people are prepared to do all sorts of unethical and crazy things, just to fund their lifestyle choices. They're prepared to work seventy hour weeks, lie, bully and make themselves miserable - simply in order to get what are seen as the rewards of modern living.
In fact, you could almost say that's the crux of our modern culture. If the hippies of the 1960s were urged to "Turn on, tune in, and drop out", today the mantra is "Set goals, work hard, reproach yourself for personal weakness, and work even harder".
Not that there's anything wrong with hard work and trying to improve your situation. But remember to keep an eye on the end goal. It isn't - or shouldn't be - to get a big house, a fast car, high status or global admiration. It's simply to make yourself and those you care about happy. That's the ultimate reward in life, and like all roads used to lead to Rome, all goals should lead to happiness. Every other achievement should be a means to that one simple end.
One of the big problems I see with the modern rewards system is that many people are being sold false beliefs. A big house, a fancy car, status and admiration are all nice things to have, but they're not enough to make you happy in themselves.
In fact, if you put too much effort into improving your situation through gaining these trinkets - by doing things that make you uncomfortable, stressing yourself out, and giving up all your leisure time - you're almost certain to make yourself unhappy. So unhappy that the best house in the world is unlikely to make you feel any better.
Work diligently, be serious about the things that need to be taken seriously, and set yourself goals. These are all key secrets to success. But at the same time, find the right balance between improving your situation and enjoying it.
There's no point giving up your happiness in order to obtain status goods that will supposedly make you happy. You're likely to be disappointed when you reach what you've aimed for. We're simply not wired that way.
Sacrificing today for a better tomorrow is an admirable undertaking. Just make sure that one day that golden tomorrow arrives - hopefully sooner rather than later.
 | Emotions are like muscles, you need to work them out | | It’s amazing how much of our lives are controlled by our emotions. In fact, it could be said that pretty much everything we do is in pursuit of some sort of emotional comfort. If you’re hungry, lonely or cold, your emotions are going to let you know by making you feel miserable. This is generally a good thing. |  | If investments become cheaper, and you’re a buyer, that’s a good thing | | In the last few years, stock markets around the world have been hammered. Currencies have also fallen to historic lows. People see their portfolios down and are running scared. |  | Don't fall into the habit of finding excuses not to take action | | Sometimes it's good not to take action. It's just not called for under some circumstances and can actually make things worse. I've written about this before. |  | The best way to influence the behavior of others | | We are all dependent on one another. We need other people and they need us in order to live the best lives we can. But other people are generally outside of our control. So one of the biggest problem anyone faces is how to get others to behave in the way we want them to. | | What to do when you've made a life-shatteringly bad decision | | Let's face it, despite our often high opinions of ourselves, we're all human really. There's not a person on this planet who hasn't made an incredibly stupid decision at some stage that's had life-changing consequences. You'll certainly make such a dumb call yourself some day, as will I and everybody else. | | It's extremely difficult to change people | | Most of us have someone in our life we'd like to change. It might be a lover, a child, a boss, or a neighbor. We try every trick at our disposal to meet that end, but in general we are likely to fail. | | Throw yourself in the deep end | | We're all afraid of things we haven't experienced before. We'd like to take a more responsible job, but we're not sure we can deal with it. We'd like to meet new people, but we're afraid that they won't like us. We'd like to try out a new activity, but we're worried about making a fool out of ourselves. |  | If you don't know, say so | | Three of the hardest words for many people to say are: "I don't know". In fact, many of the problems in human history have been caused through our aversion to these words. How come? |  | The transition periods are often the most difficult | | Someone I know quite well once discovered that his wife of five years was seeing another man behind his back. He found out when she suddenly announced she was leaving him for her new beau. He was out of town at the time, and when he returned he found most of the furniture in his house missing. | | Six things likely to make you happier in the long-term | | I've previously looked at how to get a short-term "hit" of happiness. Now I'll explore the more important subject of long-term happiness. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|