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Don't place too much weight on what people say
Saturday, 17 March 2007
We humans are social animals. Everywhere you look, we're talking, talking, talking.
Go into a busy restaurant, and you'll have difficulty hearing yourself think above all the conversation. Switch on the TV or the radio and you'll hear an endless stream of opinion and gossip riding at you down the airwaves. Browse the internet and you'll find a hundred billion pages of talk. We all seem to have so much to say that we can fill any empty space, no matter how large, in two seconds flat.
Why do we like to talk so much? Is it just to hear the sound of our own voices?
Maybe sometimes, but there's a more basic and common reason for all the streams of speech. We rely on each other to get what we want.
No man is an island, the old saying goes. And it's right.
We need each other for almost everything - urgently, desperately. Of course, we all try to pretend we're self-reliant and independent. But imagine for a second what would happen if you were banned from any human interaction whatsoever for an entire month. Would you even survive?
We need local businesses in order to eat. We need employers and customers to give us resources. We need lovers to feed our souls. Think of how many people you speak with every day and how much they fulfil your needs.
And that, in a large way, is the purpose of speech. We're aiming to influence those we interact with. We want them to give us just a little bit more than they would have otherwise - more money, more status, more love. We figure if we can be persuasive enough - if we can get them to like us - it can only be good.
Inevitably under such circumstances, a large amount of what gets said by humans is less than honest. We pretend to be more moral than we are, we pretend to have feelings we don't, and we pretend we'll fulfil obligations we have no intention of meeting. Some people are more guilty of this than others, but we all are to some degree. Anyone who tells you they haven't lied today at some stage, is almost certainly a liar.
So what does this all mean? Should you not trust anybody?
Of course not. Generally, people are decent. Most of us tell small lies that have little consequence. We all try our best to be good people in the world.
But don't place too much weight on what people say when judging them and trying to predict their behaviour. We've all, at some time, fallen for somebody telling us what we want to hear rather than what's true.
Who hasn't believed somebody who promised a "special discounted price just for you" at some stage? Who hasn't heard the words "I love you" and thought them to be true when they turned out not to be?
Listen to what people say, but even more watch what they do. Talk is much cheaper than action. To tell you I love you costs me almost nothing. To buy you a diamond ring and invite you to move into my house demonstrates more loudly my true intentions.
We are all suckers for the power of speech. Politicians, friends, business associates and strangers can all press the right buttons at times and get us to believe what isn't true. Try to discount the power of speech and instead pay attention to people's actions. They're much more likely to tell you the true thoughts and intentions of those you deal with.
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