|
Time is short
Friday, 15 September 2006
My father died of cancer at the age of 59. He had a fairly healthy lifestyle. He didn't smoke, ate well, exercised and drank moderately. Yet still he died at a relatively young age. It can happen to anyone at any time really.
I was 27 when it happened, and felt as if my real life was just getting started. I'd met my then fiance just a year earlier, my career was finally taking off, and I had a place to live that felt like a real home rather than temporary accommodation. Everything up to that point just seemed like preparation: school, university, living with my parents, fumbling early relationships, and so on.
I felt young and ready to take on the world.
But when my father died, a terrible thought hit me. If I lived to be the same age as him, my life was already almost half-over.
It was the first real view of my own mortality I'd ever got. Of course I always knew I was eventually going to die, but it seemed like a fantasy. It's a bit like knowing that Paris exists without having ever actually visited it. You see it on TV, and read about it in books, but until you actually walk around the streets, it seems more fantasy than reality.
It's when someone close to you - who you knew when they were young - dies that you really see the inevitability of your own end. For of course, ultimately we're all doomed - you, your neighbors, that person you see every day on the train, the guy at work with the bad attitude, the homeless person you pass on your way home, the rich people with fancy houses - all of us.
Our fate is sealed. Nobody in the history of human kind has ever escaped it.
It's a depressing thought and I don't mean to get you down, but you can also take something positive from it. Realizing that your time is short, makes you really focus on how precious it is. You're only going to be on this Earth for a few short decades, with billions of years without you on either side.
Many people put little value on their time. They work in jobs they hate, stay in relationships that make them miserable, and live in places where they aren't happy. They squander their precious moments because they're terrified of losing some money or being put in a situation that might be a little uncomfortable.
They get themselves up to their eyeballs in debt just so they can have a house with a view they never look at, or a fancy car that's the same as any other once the novelty wears off. They puff themselves up in self-importance over how important ***THEIR WORK*** is, and to hell with having any fun. They stress themselves out over tiny, pointless, stupid things that would be laughably petty if it didn't make them feel so bad.
When you think about just how short time is, you tend not to do that as much. You realize that it isn't a bottomless resource to be squandered and traded for any trivial thing that comes along and demands a bit of it. You think carefully and deeply about what's important to you - what you're willing to invest your most valuable resource on and what you're not.
If there are people in your life who try to make your few short years miserable by forcing their problems and neuroses onto you, don't let them. You haven't got time to put up with that kind of stupid garbage.
If there's a situation that's making you stressed or depressed, think to yourself: "Is it really worth wasting my precious time on this?" Often, you'll find the answer's "no".
Of course, the aim should be to maximize your enjoyment of life, and that means making some sacrifices. We all have to do things we don't want sometimes in order to get things we do. But don't get carried away with it, or addicted to sacrifice for its own sake. Remember that it's a means to an end and not an end in itself.
This view of life is wonderfully liberating, I believe. It really helps you sort out what's important from what's pointless and petty. Once you achieve this state of mind, you'll come to pity those who don't have it. Unfortunately, you'll start to notice that they're all around you.
 | How to find yourself | | Along with the problem of trying to figure out how the world works, we also all have a similar problem of discovering exactly who it is we are. People are always surprising themselves with behavior they didn’t expect and thoughts they feel aren’t entirely in their control. |  | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. |  | How to get a job paying more than $100,000 a year | | How do people get themselves into a position of earning good incomes at young ages? Why do some people work hard for minimum wage while others have cushy jobs that are well-paid? Most importantly, how can you become one of the latter? | | Becoming more self-absorbed probably isn't going to solve your problems | | There are many books and articles written about how to improve your life. Many focus on changing what's going on inside your head. They want you to think more positively, change your inner conversation, and carefully examine your past. In general, they have one thing in common, they want you to become more self-absorbed. |  | The easiest way to fool smart people | | There’s a saying among con-men that smart people are easier targets, because they don’t think they can be conned. I’m not sure if that’s true, but there’s one scam that’s almost guaranteed to make smart people switch off their brains and reach for their wallets. | | You can't trust people with money | | What is it with money that makes otherwise good people lose all moral perspective? The dubious real-estate agent may well be a good and trustworthy friend away from the office, but he'll tell his clients anything to get a few extra dollars out of them. |  | Evidence that success comes from self-discipline | | An interesting experiment on the nature of success was started by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s. He decided to test the self-discipline of children at an early age, then trace their relative success as their lives went on. |  | If you have a problem, look in the mirror first for its source | | Consider the following scenario. Mr Smith has been a dedicated employee at a big company for over fifteen years. He has a mortgage, two children at private school, and a nice car, all paid for with debt. | | Understanding the games people play | | A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play. | | Whatever you say or do in this world, someone will strongly disapprove | | Wouldn't it be great if everyone just loved us and thought everything we did and said was right? What an easy life that would be. Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen any time soon. Pretty much anything you do or say is going to make somebody angry, upset, or despairing of your intelligence and sanity. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|