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A good way of punishing bad behaviour in others
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
Most of us know the maxim that we should reward pleasing behaviour in others and punish the bad. But most people tend to do the punishment side completely wrongly. The thing is when it comes to that, many people underestimate how badly things will make the other person feel.
That's something you notice about punishments if you pay attention. When you ask someone to name one for a crime they're personally unlikely to commit, they'll often become like a member of the Spanish Inquisition. We're much more keen to hand out discipline for others than we are to accept it ourselves.
That's why it's necessary to imagine that you'll be on the receiving end of such discipline at some stage. And to create your own punishments as necessary.
What I've found is that, in social situations, most people are highly sensitive to the disapproval of others. The disapproval of a group is particularly damaging. Of course, many of us pretend not to be affected when we notice such things, but don't be fooled.
So even with a slight hint of disapproval, you can often create an effective punishment for someone. This is particularly true if you're someone they like and respect.
Say someone does something to you that you want to discourage. Merely ignoring this behaviour, or a slight hint that it's not what you were expecting can often be very effective.
Don't pull out the big guns straight away by screaming and shouting. That's for behaviour-modification amateurs. Instead, start small. The threat of reprisal is often more effective than reprisal itself. By letting people know you could go further if necessary, you're likely to get better results.
Indeed, often bad behaviour is specifically looking for a reaction. Many people hate to be ignored. They'd rather be despised or yelled at than be inconsequential.
And so if someone says something rude, for example, you can often discourage them from doing so again simply by letting them see you're unaffected.
In any manner, when wanting to dampen certain behaviour, in circumstances that aren't exceptional, it's often worthwhile to start small. Then gradually ramp up your punishments if the behaviour continues.
When discouraging people, often less is more. If you're creative in practising this, they'll be wondering what else you have up your sleeve.
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