|
A good way of punishing bad behaviour in others
Most of us know the maxim that we should reward pleasing behaviour in others and punish the bad. But most people tend to do the punishment side completely wrongly. The thing is when it comes to that, many people underestimate how badly things will make the other person feel.
That's something you notice about punishments if you pay attention. When you ask someone to name one for a crime they're personally unlikely to commit, they'll often become like a member of the Spanish Inquisition. We're much more keen to hand out discipline for others than we are to accept it ourselves.
That's why it's necessary to imagine that you'll be on the receiving end of such discipline at some stage. And to create your own punishments as necessary.
What I've found is that, in social situations, most people are highly sensitive to the disapproval of others. The disapproval of a group is particularly damaging. Of course, many of us pretend not to be affected when we notice such things, but don't be fooled.
So even with a slight hint of disapproval, you can often create an effective punishment for someone. This is particularly true if you're someone they like and respect.
Say someone does something to you that you want to discourage. Merely ignoring this behaviour, or a slight hint that it's not what you were expecting can often be very effective.
Don't pull out the big guns straight away by screaming and shouting. That's for behaviour-modification amateurs. Instead, start small. The threat of reprisal is often more effective than reprisal itself. By letting people know you could go further if necessary, you're likely to get better results.
Indeed, often bad behaviour is specifically looking for a reaction. Many people hate to be ignored. They'd rather be despised or yelled at than be inconsequential.
And so if someone says something rude, for example, you can often discourage them from doing so again simply by letting them see you're unaffected.
In any manner, when wanting to dampen certain behaviour, in circumstances that aren't exceptional, it's often worthwhile to start small. Then gradually ramp up your punishments if the behaviour continues.
When discouraging people, often less is more. If you're creative in practising this, they'll be wondering what else you have up your sleeve.
 | Emotions are like muscles, you need to work them out | | It’s amazing how much of our lives are controlled by our emotions. In fact, it could be said that pretty much everything we do is in pursuit of some sort of emotional comfort. If you’re hungry, lonely or cold, your emotions are going to let you know by making you feel miserable. This is generally a good thing. |  | If investments become cheaper, and you’re a buyer, that’s a good thing | | In the last few years, stock markets around the world have been hammered. Currencies have also fallen to historic lows. People see their portfolios down and are running scared. |  | Don't fall into the habit of finding excuses not to take action | | Sometimes it's good not to take action. It's just not called for under some circumstances and can actually make things worse. I've written about this before. |  | The best way to influence the behavior of others | | We are all dependent on one another. We need other people and they need us in order to live the best lives we can. But other people are generally outside of our control. So one of the biggest problem anyone faces is how to get others to behave in the way we want them to. | | What to do when you've made a life-shatteringly bad decision | | Let's face it, despite our often high opinions of ourselves, we're all human really. There's not a person on this planet who hasn't made an incredibly stupid decision at some stage that's had life-changing consequences. You'll certainly make such a dumb call yourself some day, as will I and everybody else. | | It's extremely difficult to change people | | Most of us have someone in our life we'd like to change. It might be a lover, a child, a boss, or a neighbor. We try every trick at our disposal to meet that end, but in general we are likely to fail. | | Throw yourself in the deep end | | We're all afraid of things we haven't experienced before. We'd like to take a more responsible job, but we're not sure we can deal with it. We'd like to meet new people, but we're afraid that they won't like us. We'd like to try out a new activity, but we're worried about making a fool out of ourselves. |  | If you don't know, say so | | Three of the hardest words for many people to say are: "I don't know". In fact, many of the problems in human history have been caused through our aversion to these words. How come? |  | The transition periods are often the most difficult | | Someone I know quite well once discovered that his wife of five years was seeing another man behind his back. He found out when she suddenly announced she was leaving him for her new beau. He was out of town at the time, and when he returned he found most of the furniture in his house missing. | | Six things likely to make you happier in the long-term | | I've previously looked at how to get a short-term "hit" of happiness. Now I'll explore the more important subject of long-term happiness. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|