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Whatever you say or do in this world, someone will strongly disapprove
Wednesday, 15 March 2006
Wouldn't it be great if everyone just loved us and thought everything we did and said was right? What an easy life that would be. Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen any time soon. Pretty much anything you do or say is going to make somebody angry, upset, or despairing of your intelligence and sanity.
The problem is that we all have bundles of values inside us that we're strongly convinced are correct. Some of these values mean more to us than others, and some we have a clearer vision of than others. But everyone has at least some pretty strongly held views about how things are, how things should be, and how people should behave in those contexts. And everybody's bundles are different!
On matters of religion, politics, family, sexuality, morality, civility and a whole bunch of other things, the range of possible values you can hold is huge. And many of them are diametrically opposed.
Is there a God or isn't there? Should we tax the rich more or less? Are men and women equal? Is America good for the world? Should there be abortion? Euthanasia? Is inviting someone over for a party and expecting them to bring their own drinks rude?
And so on.
You may agree with a particular person on some points, but it's unlikely that you'll agree on everything. And those points that you differ on may be so important to you that you are willing to become violent, or even kill one another over them.
So many people have such strongly held views, it's a virtual certainty that somebody nearby thinks that what you're doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. And nothing you can say or do will convince them otherwise.
This can be a very uncomfortable thought. But realizing that it's a fact can also be liberating. How many of us don't do things we want to because of what we fear others will think?
George Orwell had a wonderful term for the judging of others values. He called it "thought crime". When even considering certain ideas or actions was a criminal act. In his novel "1984", he showed what a ridiculous and dangerous thing it is to try and impose your every value on others. He described a world where everyone was expected to think the same way. That world must be one of the most miserable places ever imagined.
If you spend your whole life not doing anything because you're worried that someone will disapprove, then you may as well never get out of bed. Actually, they'd probably disapprove of that too.
What if they laugh at me? What if they say I'm stupid, or immoral, or ignorant, or dangerous? What then?
Before you let your head get filled up with all these anxious thoughts, instead focus on this ... So what if they do? What makes them so superior that they can judge you?
Instead, make up your own mind about what you should and shouldn't do. I'm not saying you should get involved in criminal or blatantly immoral acts. I'm also not suggesting you barge around completely disregarding the feelings of others. Instead, listen to their views and consider them carefully.
But in the end, make up your own mind about what you should say or do.
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