|
Assertiveness is about balance
Friday, 14 December 2007
We've all met people who have a problem understanding assertiveness. Often, they're people who've spent much of their lives being walked over. One day, they get sick of putting up with this behaviour from others and do a complete flip. Suddenly, they're so busy being "assertive" that they don't realise how much they're annoying those around them.
There's a fine line between assertiveness and aggressiveness that you should try to understand. Mostly, it has to do with the emotional state you are in when you put across your point of view, and how tenaciously you cling to your position despite all costs.
It's true that being a passive person can lead you to all sorts of problems. Allowing others to walk over you because you're too polite or shy to stop them is definitely not a happy state of affairs. But that's no reason to move to the opposite extreme.
When deciding to take an assertive position, firstly decide if it's even worth doing so. If you're with a group of people who want to go to a Greek restaurant, then stubbornly insisting that you'll only be happy with Chinese isn't cool. You should be able to identify when it's just not worth pushing your own point of view. Being petty and stubborn just for the sake of proving a point is just going to lose you friends and respect.
Once you've decided the time to stand your ground has arrived, try to do so without getting emotionally worked up. Calmly state your position and refuse to move from that point. Don't yell, scream or argue. Listen to the other person, repeat what they've said, then simply explain that you disagree. Try not to bring ego or heat into the discussion. Just calmly and quietly state your case.
Assertiveness is about balance. You have to become tuned into when to stand your ground and when to back down. Once you've decided it's time to push back, do so as gently and calmly as you can, while still refusing to be over-ridden.
 | You can't always get what you want, and it's no bad thing | | I'm on holiday in the Philippines at the moment, and a local here told me an interesting thing. She said that in Australia, Britain and the US, all people did was work all the time because they weren't satisfied with their lives. Yet in the Philippines, she assured me, people are poor but happy. |  | Make yourself some allies | | A lot people don't see the point of putting in extra effort to make friends with those who cross their path. A waiter is there to serve me, a work colleague is there to help me, and a boss is there to direct me, they think. What's the point in trying to form any sort of meaningful connection with these people? |  | Don't let others manipulate you by making you feel uncomfortable | | We all want others to do things our way. If we can persuade those around us to somehow bend to our will, we feel that life's riches will be provided as a reward. So people can become very sneaky when it comes to trying to manipulate others. One of their most cunning tricks is to create uncomfortable situations that they hope you will be desperate to get out of. | | Something that makes people fearful and angry | | Why do some problems make people absolutely furious, while others seem to run off them like water off a duck's back? What is it that causes more fear and loathing than anything else? |  | Ideas are easy, implementing them is hard | | I've know a lot of intelligent people in my time - some of them highly intelligent. Yet many of them aren't much more successful than average. How come? | | Don't reward bad behavior in yourself and others | | Almost everyone has done things in life that they knew at the time were wrong. But sometimes, there seems to be an overwhelming force pushing towards what we know is going to be a bad outcome. Why can't we control ourselves? | | Six secrets of successful long-term relationships | | My wife and I have been in a very loving relationship for nine years now. During the same period, I've seen some friends' relationships start and fall apart. Here are my secrets for a successful long-term relationship. | | Increase the difficulty level | | I've just got back from a fantastic week's skiing in Queenstown, New Zealand. If you've never been there, it's really one of the world's most beautiful spots. I got in a good five days skiing, and I think I improved my style quite a bit. | | My favorite productivity tools | | Most of us want to get more done. The tools we come up with often help us to achieve this goal. Here are my favorite productivity tools. | | Resist the urge to criticize all the time | | People who criticize and complain constantly often think that they're serving some kind of public interest. By pointing out to everyone what's wrong with them and the world in general, they hope to improve things. It may be a comforting thought, but it's just plain wrong. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|