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What's the worst that could happen?
Tuesday, 14 November 2006
Sometimes, I have dreams that I'm being chased. Often I'm not even really sure what it is that's pursuing me. All I know is that I'm running away from something that's right on my tail - just about to catch me with terrible consequences.
Sometimes the dream's exciting and sometimes it's frightening. But from speaking to others I believe it's quite a common one to have. Perhaps you've experienced it yourself?
It strikes me that some people live their entire life feeling the way I do when I'm having that dream. They have a hunted look in their eyes, and some kind of awful disaster is always only moments away from catching up with them. The only escape is to run, run, RUN!
It's strange, isn't it, the way so many of us let stress and terror rule over us?
When I meet people who have this attitude, I marvel over how unpleasant it must be. I know, because I've spent time in my life feeling this way myself. Times when I've worried that some terrible catastrophe is about to fall on my career, my finances, my relationships, my health or my safety. A sense that I was balanced on top of a house of cards, and all it would take would be one wrong move to cause the whole thing to come crashing down.
It's not a good way to live, and is actually counter-productive. In many cases it can mean actually bringing on the thing you so dread. Whether it's because you crash the car through fear of doing so, or because others can see your fear and exploit it, this attitude to life actually seems to increase the chances of bad things happening.
The way I eventually overcame it was to realize what a stupid outlook this is to have. And I learnt to ask myself one simple question in most scenarios that stressed me out: "What's the worst that could happen?"
Here are some examples of when you may be stressed and how to ask this question:
- A project is running late at work and you may miss your deadline. What's the worst that could happen? You may lose your job.
- Your landlord has been acting like he's not that happy with you. What's the worst that could happen? You may be evicted.
- Your credit card bill is overdue. What's the worst that could happen? You may wreck your credit record.
These are all pretty bad situations if they actually occur. So the next thing to ask yourself is - if the worst did occur, what then? Is it really so bad?
- If you lose your job, is it really the end of the world? Or can you just move on and find another one?
- If you're evicted, will you really be sleeping in the street? Or might the worst be that you end up living in a place that's not quite as good?
- If your credit record goes bad, is it set in stone that you'll never be happy again? Or does it just mean that you can't borrow for that fancy car you probably don't need anyway?
Often, when you really think about it, the absolutely worst thing that you're dreading isn't actually that bad. Life will go on. Sure you won't get everything you want, but what's new about that? You'll likely still find happiness, success and love some of the time, just like you always have.
You'll deal with it, in other words.
Even better than that, this exercise helps you to follow the old scout motto of "Be prepared". Once you've imagined the worst - really pictured it in your head - you can start making preparations for it.
Place yourself in the situation and think, "What would I like to have prepared in order to deal with this situation should it ever occur? What kind of an insurance policy can I build myself to really avoid the most painful consequences of this occurring?"
Don't think running faster is a solution, but rather consider planning ahead. For example:
- Losing your job at some point in your life is likely. Make sure you have the skills and qualifications that you don't need any one particular job. If you lose one, make sure you're in a situation where you can easily find another.
- Being evicted can happen. Make sure you have enough money in the bank to tide you over while you look for a new place.
- Put yourself in a financial situation where your credit record need never go bad. Following the money articles on this site should help you to do just that.
Asking yourself often "What's the worst that could happen?" is a good way of staying on top of the problems that cause stress and misery. Realizing that, whatever goes wrong, you'll likely deal with it - or putting yourself in a situation where it will be easy to survive the blow, is a great way of dealing with stress.
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