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It's okay to be afraid
Friday, 14 September 2007
We all get scared sometimes. It's just part of us to feel a little fear from time to time. Even silly things that we feel adults shouldn't be afraid of sometimes just get us all anxious. This is perfectly normal.
In fact, it can even be healthy. Prisons are filled with people who have less fear than average. It's the lack of fear that puts many people in jail. Risks that a normal person would be terrified to take, just didn't occur to most inmates.
After all, fear is really worrying about possible negative consequences. Sometimes, it's good we have that emotion. It prevents us from doing things that are against our best interests.
But sometimes, our fear circuits haven't adapted to the modern world. This is particularly true when it comes to interacting with strangers. In tribal times, filled with violence, it was important to be afraid of strangers. Such emotions could save your life.
But it's rare you'll meet a stranger who will endanger you physically these days. Especially in the situations most of us find ourselves in.
I know a guy who's been single for a long time. He's very nice and personable and works out a lot. He's not the world's most handsome gent, but he's not ugly either. I suggested he give speed-dating a try sometime as he may meet somebody there.
"I'd like to but talking to so many women at once would make me nervous," he said.
This is a perfect example of an irrational fear. At worst, he'll go and talk to a few people and receive nothing else from it. At best, he may run into the love of his life. The down-side is virtually nil, even if it is the more likely scenario. While the upside is huge. Any rational viewing of the subject would say he's got nothing to lose, yet his fear prevents him from going.
Not that I too wouldn't be nervous when going to a speed-dating event. I'm a pretty sociable guy, but talking to a bunch of strangers puts butterflies in my stomach. Despite this, I wouldn't let it prevent me from going at all.
Realise that you're going to be scared in many situations, even if it's irrational to be so. In fact, get good at identifying situations when your emotional response doesn't make sense.
Rather than avoiding such situations, or running away from them, try to distance yourself from the emotional reaction you have. Feel the fear and do it anyway, as a famous book title once advised.
I think such anxiety never completely disappears, no matter how many times you experience the situation. But you can desensitize yourself to it. Force yourself to act even though your emotions may be screaming at you to run away. Put your fear inside a little box that's separate from your rational mind, and allow your logic to seize control.
It's okay to be afraid. In fact, it's natural. But don't allow such fear to rule over your life.
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