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Become a student of human behavior
Friday, 14 April 2006
We live in a social world. How we integrate with others - in business, at home, in the community - determines how happy and successful we are. Because of that, it's important you try to learn why people behave in the way they do.
Of course, people are complex beings and you can never be totally sure what they're going to do in any given situation. That doesn't mean you can't find things that are common to certain types of people, however. Once you've figured out how most people act and think in a particular setting, you can start to predict which buttons you can push to get things moving in the way you want them to.
Rather than concentrating on what people should do, instead watch for what they actually do. Ask yourself:
- Why did they act in that way and not some other way?
- What triggered that particular action in them?
- What's going on inside their heads and influencing their behavior?
- What values and assumptions do they hold?
- What do they like? What makes them happy?
- What do they hate? What makes them miserable?
- Could things have turned out differently?
- And so on.
You should always be trying to work out what makes people tick - as individuals and in groups. Having the ability to influence social situations can be a very powerful force working in your favor. It's a valuable skill that many successful people have mastered and used to their advantage.
And, of course, you shouldn't just ask these questions of those around you, but also of yourself. While you are certainly an individual, you surely share many feelings and reactions with your peers. Use your own behavior as a laboratory for understanding what moves others. If something makes you react or feel a certain way, it will likely also do so for those around you.
Picking up a book on psychology is also a great strategy. There have been many experiments undertaken for unlocking the secrets of the human mind. Their results are not only fascinating, but also often useful.
Does this sound manipulative?
Maybe it is, but trying to manipulate the behavior of others is something we all must engage in to get ahead. We must know how to impress our bosses in order to get a promotion. We must identify what it is will make that special person go on a date with us. We must understand how to make our children behave in a way that gets them ahead in life.
We are all involved daily in the process of trying to manipulate others. If we can do it well, our outcomes will be better.
I'm not suggesting that you learn how to shape behavior in order to steal from people or otherwise disadvantage them. Manipulation can be used for good as well as evil, and I'm suggesting you develop these skills to undertake the former.
Which leads me to the most effective way of all you can use to influence others. By learning how to make them happy.
 | Look for the underlying pattern | | We humans are pattern-spotting machines. The world can often seem complex and random, but if you look under the covers, you can sometimes find an underlying pattern for its behaviour. In fact, it's the discovery of such patterns that have driven our development forward in many areas. |  | Don't get too easily discouraged | | Occasionally, you may come across someone who appears as if they were born an expert in something. Perhaps it's sport, meeting people, business or family. Some of us just seem to be stars, while others are common. | | Test yourself out on the real world | | Each of us lives in two different places. The real world in which our bodies are firmly anchored, and a shadow-world of fantasies, rules-of-thumb and strategies that flows in the space between our ears. | | Fill your life up with interesting stuff | | We all feel a bit down sometimes. "To be or not to be, that is the question;" Shakespeare's Hamlet famously said. "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing, end them." |  | My eight best negotiation tips | | Negotiation is a part of life we all have to deal with. Being able to do so successfully can make a big difference to our outcomes. Here are eight tips that have helped me. | | Is there something you want? Why not ask for it? | | One of the big differences that I've noticed between those who get what they want and those who don't comes down to one simple behavior - whether they're willing to ask for it. |  | Understanding the games people play | | A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play. | | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. | | Be adaptable in a changing world | | When I look and listen to the people around me, I get the impression that many of them are terribly afraid of change. You can see it in the way they cling desperately to a job they hate, keep friends who are obviously bad for them, and stay in abusive relationships. | | It's not going to just fall into your lap | | I meet a lot of people who are dissatisfied with their lives. They feel they don't have enough money, enough love or enough recognition. They see others around them getting all the rewards while they're passed by for the good things in life. |
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