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Don't rely on the charity of others
Saturday, 12 August 2006
When we see a man begging in the street, most of us realize this isn't a very good strategy for building a happy life. That's not to say the beggar necessarily has any other option, but that the option he's trying is unlikely to be successful.
What is it about begging as an income-generation choice that most of us can see is so obviously flawed?
The answer is it relies completely on the charity of others. And other people have their own problems to deal with. Generally, they're too busy to care about ours.
In fact, it's not uncommon for certain members of society to resent and try to damage those who rely on their charity. So taking an approach such as begging can actually be counter-productive.
"What's all this got to do with me?" you may be asking.
The answer is that relying on charity isn't always as obvious as it is with beggars. Yet as a strategy it still stinks. You should identify when you're gambling on the goodwill of outsiders to an excessive degree, and avoid that as much as possible.
Take, for example, a man I know who's spent his entire life relying on the assistance of his parents. Now in middle-age, that man has received numerous monetary gifts from them, had a house bought by them, and is relying on his inheritance to fund his retirement. Needless to say, the parents in question are quite well-off.
Lucky him, you may be thinking, but I'm not so sure.
When most people meet this man, they can immediately sense that something has negatively affected his personality. While generally a nice person, he can be extremely arrogant. He also has delusions that his status is much higher than it actually is - usually by pretending he's an important business executive. He made little effort in his career, and spent a lot of his adult life unemployed.
The shadow of his parent's wealth and his expectation of ultimately inheriting it has always hung over him. It's obvious to anyone who knows him well, that almost every major decision he's ever made has come from within this shadow.
Many spoilt children from rich homes have similar problems. They often struggle to find a place for themselves in life, are arrogant, and have unrealistic beliefs of their own importance. Often they fall into drugs, alcohol and despair. Because they rely so completely on the charity of their parents, they become powerless in a similar way to a street beggar - although obviously in more comfortable circumstances.
Now let's switch to take a look at the problem many working people find themselves in. It's no secret there are some who live beyond their means. They borrow to buy big houses, fancy cars, and give their children luxury educations. They spend their entire pay-packets each month just trying to keep up with their commitments.
At the same time, their only source of income is from their jobs. And often they've placed themselves in a position where finding another job would not be easy.
They neglect building up their skills, stay with the same company for decades so they only understand that as a place to work, and put a lot of political capital into chasing promotions at that organization. The organization they work for becomes so central to their financial existence, that if they found ever themselves outside it, they'd be in real trouble.
They're effectively relying on the charity of their bosses not to make them redundant. They delude themselves that they're somehow irreplaceable. Yet redundancy is a common outcome for people in such positions.
Once again, like a beggar in the street, they've handed the power over their financial future to forces outside their control. And usually, these forces are indifferent too even aggressively against their needs.
Being reliant on the goodwill of others to fund your lifestyle is stressful. You should make efforts to make sure it doesn't happen to you by identifying areas in your life where you are in such a position.
Of course, we all need other people and it's impossible to get away from that fact. But you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket on this. Also make sure they need you as much or more than you need them.
Force yourself to imagine the worst. What if that goodwill was withdrawn? What would be the outcome if you lost your job/inheritance/biggest customer?
Prepare yourself to be able to deal with such a situation if it ever happened. Spread your risk, so to speak. Be confident about being able to generate income and wealth from new sources if necessary.
Remove reliance on the goodwill on others as much as possible in your life, and you'll become more confident, less stressed, and more independent.
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