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Becoming more self-absorbed probably isn't going to solve your problems
Thursday, 13 April 2006
There are many books and articles written about how to improve your life. Many focus on changing what's going on inside your head. They want you to think more positively, change your inner conversation, and carefully examine your past. In general, they have one thing in common, they want you to become more self-absorbed.
Life isn't simple, and I don't suggest you dismiss these suggestions completely. My own advice sometimes talks about changing what's going on in your mind. But keep these techniques in perspective.
Generally, focussing only on yourself and how you think isn't a great way to get ahead in life. It's those who focus on what's going on outside themselves that usually have the most success.
People that win in relationships, business, money and life usually don't manage it by obsessing over every little thought that enters their heads. They can't, because they're too busy focussing on what's external to themselves - their family, their business, their finances and so on.
For most of us, what's missing in our lives isn't to be found on the inside. At least, the easiest things to fix aren't there. Instead they're in the people and environment around us. Rather than thinking "how can I change myself,?" be thinking "how can I change my situation?".
If your environment, body, finances and relationships are in good shape, you're much more likely to be feeling happy. If there's a problem with any of these factors, you can try changing the way you think until you're blue in the face with very little in the way of results.
The world is a fascinating place even when we examine things that don't directly affect us. Spending time thinking about nature, music, the universe, history, technology, politics, fashion, art or any of the other interesting things going on outside ourselves will bring much more contentment than focussing on our own navels.
We all need to take a bit of interest in what's going on inside our minds, but taking it too far is a certain recipe for misery. Worse, it will probably make our external situation become even more negative.
Who wants to spend time with someone who's only interest is themselves? Such people are boring and miserable companions who rarely have good relationships.
How can a person who spends all their energy contemplating their inner life hope to succeed in the world around them? They're not paying attention to what's going on, so it's no wonder they don't succeed.
Look at people you know who are happy and successful. I'll bet they spend a lot of time thinking about and acting on making sure the world around them is the way they want it to be.
Then consider those whose only interest seems to be themselves. Such people are often among the most miserable.
Even those with mental illnesses are often chasing the wrong solution by withdrawing further into their inner lives. If it's the chemicals in your brain that are making you feel bad, simply trying to change your thoughts is probably pointless. The problem is outside your mind and in the physical brain itself.
So don't waste too much time obsessing over controlling every thought that pops into your head. Instead, pay attention to what's going on in the real world and act in ways that will improve your situation there.
A better inner-life will often be the result.
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