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Learn how to say "no".
Sunday, 11 September 2005
One of the most difficult words to say, can also be one of the most important. It's an unfortunate fact that people will try to pressure us to do things we don't want to. I'd like to teach you how to deal with such pressure.
When someone asks you to do something for them - whether it's give them some money, lend them your car, or do some work for them - it's important to be able to understand their motivation for doing so. It sounds obvious but you should ask yourself - why do they want this from me? Do they have my best interests at heart?
Some people can be very persuasive at getting us to do things we don't want to. For the selfish, greedy and power hungry of the world, convincing others to do what they want is a very important skill. You can expect them to spend a lot of time searching for and perfecting strategies for doing so. They'll look for signs of weakness, and apply enormous pressure.
One of their cleverest strategies is to pretend they're your friend. They know that you care deeply about what others think, so they'll use this against you. They'll try to shame, bully and sweet talk you. They're ruthless and will do or say anything to get what they want.
If someone behaves like this towards you, the first thing to realize is that they're not your friend. They couldn't care less about you or what you think, so you should feel the same way about them.
If you know that it's not to your advantage to do what they want, simply say "no". Whatever they say or do, be like a rock and keep your place.
A good reply to their attempts to convince you is to simply say: "That may be true, but I don't want to do that". Simply repeat that sentence to anything they say, and they'll soon realize they're dealing with someone stronger then themselves.
Here's an example starring Frank and John. The two men work together, and Frank has a reputation for borrowing money and not paying it back.
Frank: (slaps John on the back) John my friend! How are you? (Big smile).
John: Fine thanks Frank. How are you?
Frank: Well, not so good actually.
John: Oh, why not?
Frank: (Looks down) Well the ATM downstairs swallowed my card and now I've got no money for the weekend?
John: Oh. Can't you call the bank?
Frank: I've tried but they aren't answering. (Looks like something just occurred to him) Say, you couldn't lend me $100 until Monday could you?
John: No, sorry Frank I can't do that,
Frank: Why not? I'll pay it back first think on Monday.
John: That may be true, but I don't want to do that.
Frank: If you don't lend me that money, I don't know what I'm going to do. My cat is sick and I have to take her to the vet.
John: That's too bad. Maybe you should ask someone in your family to help you.
Frank: They're all away. Come on John, we're friends. You can trust me to pay you back.
John: Sorry Frank, I can't do it.
Frank: (Gets angry) You really don't care about anyone but yourself do you John? If you were a decent person you'd lend it to me.
John: Sorry you feel that way Frank, but I can't do it.
Frank: (In a low voice) I'm going to have to tell everyone in the office that you caused my cat to die.
John: Sorry you feel that's necessary Frank, but I can't do it.
Frank storms away.
This scene is typical of the high-pressure tactics certain people use regularly to cheat those around them. Learn to say "no" and don't let them do it to you.
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