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Play out in the real world, not imaginary ones
One of the blessings and the curses of modern life is the endless potential for us to get lost in imaginary worlds. Television, books, games, the internet, magazines and many other fantasy environments beckon us from every direction. These imaginary worlds can be so seductive, and realistic, that we can become lost in them and kid ourselves that we're actually connected to them in some way.
A good example of this is a girl I used to know in college. Like many women, she had a fascination with relationships, both loving and platonic. You could tell that she secretly yearned to be the popular girl in school, who all the boys wanted and all the girls befriended.
The problem was that she wasn't very attractive. This was partly the fault of random chance, she wasn't born classically beautiful, but also partly her own fault. She used to dress in a frumpy manner, allowed herself to become overweight, and didn't have a lot of friends.
To compensate for her lack of success in reality, she got lost in the fantasy world of daytime soap operas. She actually used to skip class to stay at home and watch "The Bold and The Beautiful" or "Days of our Lives". When she should have been out trying to build the life she wanted in reality, instead she stayed indoors and played out a shadow of it in a fantasy world.
The sad thing is that being in this fantasy world certainly had a negative effect on her success in reality. Because she was in front of the TV eating junk food all the time, she became overweight. Because she wasn't out shopping with her friends, her fashion sense took a dive. Because she wasn't socialising, her interpersonal skills became blunted.
Many people will read about my friend and think she was a little pathetic, and the truth is they're probably right. But how guilty are you of this same flaw?
I know plenty of men who are addicted to sports. They talk about nothing but football, cricket, or baseball. Yet for most of them, it's been years since they actually participated in these events. Instead, they prefer to sit in a pub and watch them on TV, with the fantasy that this somehow means they are active participants.
I also often come across people who are interested in politics. They have very definite ideas about the direction the country should be taking and how things should be changed. Yet, instead of doing anything about these ideas, they simply hang around on political blogs all day getting into petty arguments in the comments section.
Self-help addicts are classic cases of those living in a fantasy world. Often, they attend countless seminars and read endless books imagining that this is making a difference to their lives. Yet in reality, they've made no changes whatsoever. They're living the same old lives but imagining the wonderful existence they could be leading if only they could "visualise" it enough or some other nonsense.
Fantasy worlds are all well and good for a bit of entertainment. They may even improve your skills a little. But nothing beats going out to face cold, hard reality and getting feedback from it. Yes, the world can be a bit painful sometimes, and yes the stakes are higher.
But the rewards are better also. Most fantasy world addicts know this deep down if for no other reason than their imaginary victories feel a little empty. Get some real-world triumphs under your belt, and your life will take a dramatic turn for the better.
 | Don't get sucked in by empty promises | | I was at a work function last night where we were all getting treated to free drinks and food. There was a very attractive girl there who was enjoying the attention of many of the men. |  | Take the initiative in establishing new relationships | | The world is filled with people who are dissatisfied with the state of their relationships. They think they haven't got enough others in their lives, or else they believe the others they have aren't up to scratch. Whether it's friendships that are missing or something more, a lack of satisfactory relationships is a common complaint. |  | Don't hate your body too much, it's the most amazing machine on the planet | | We live in a society fixated on machines and gadgets. The media obsesses over iPods, BMWs, laptops and phones. And we consumers gobble up every titbit of information available on those topics. | | Science is the closest thing to verifiable truth that we have | | Wait! If you're the type of person who reads the word "science" in a title then moves quickly on, then this is an article you need to read. I promise it won't be boring. |  | Become excellent at creating new opportunities | | The scouts have an excellent motto. It says simply “Be prepared”. Whether or not you have ever been a scout or a guide, this is a good attitude to have towards life. | | Incompetent people tend to overestimate their skill level | | Something interesting happens to me whenever I try to learn a new skill. I tend to underestimate just how hard it's going to be. For some reason, part of me thinks I'm going to be naturally talented at it, even though I have no evidence for that being the case. | | We're all just lost at sea | | Picture this. You wake up to find yourself aboard a huge old sailing boat. You can't remember who you are, or where you were before. You can't even remember what your name is. | | Perfect contentment leads to stagnation | | Have a look at how so many of us live our lives. We get up in the morning, go out all day and work, work, work. Whether in a rich country or a poor one, a good neighbourhood or bad, you can be sure that most of the people around you will be working most of the time. | | Find the right balance between improving your situation and enjoying it | | There's a funny scene in the film "Thank you for smoking" where the main character, a public relations shill for the cigarette industry, is asked how he can do such an unethical job. "Everyone's got to pay the mortgage", he replies. | | The world's best investment | | Many people don't think of it consciously, but much of our lives are spent deciding how to invest our resources. Families decide whether to move into a bigger house, or save their money and stay in the current one. Young women decide which man they should bet their reproductive potential on. Workers ponder what they should do with their holidays. And so on. |
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