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Self-esteem has to be earned
Tuesday, 10 January 2006
It seems obvious to anyone who thinks about it for a moment, that sound decisions must be based upon good information. If we say that good information is basically "the truth" and look at decisions as those that are made to improve our lives, it seems strange that a modern semi-religion has grown around encouraging us to lie to ourselves. The lie I'm talking about is, of course, building up our "self-esteem".
To some people, self-esteem seems all important. If someone is a bully, or a criminal, or incompetent, it's only because they feel bad about themselves. If only they can be encouraged to look past the fact that their character does indeed have some poor qualities, then all will be well. Or so the thinking goes.
It of course ignores the fact that, up close, many bullies, criminals and incompetent people appear to have no shortage of self-belief. How can this be so?
Because the cult of self-belief is flawed.
And it's influence seems to be widespread. According to a recent article in Scientific American Mind, the average person thinks their abilities are far above average. If this is true, then what the average person thinks is impossible.
An excess of unearned self-esteem is a disease of our age. If you sometimes wonder why there are so many rude, aggressive, and selfish people in modern society, look no further than the cult of self-esteem. For a person who considers themselves considerably better than average, probably doesn't think the average person worth treating with any respect.
Worse, the person with an unrealistic belief in their own abilities is likely to do real damage. How many young men crash their cars killing themselves and others because they believe they are excellent drivers? How many teenagers take drugs believing that they are strong enough to fight off any negative consequences? How many professionals do irreversible damage to their clients interests because they feel invincible?
In many ways it is better to underestimate your abilities, as long as you combine this with a determination to succeed. Few of us are born great. In order to excel in any pursuit, we have to work and learn. If we consider ourselves already the masters of the task, why would we bother?
Take a realistic view of your abilities before making any decision. Are you up to the task with your current skills and experience? Err on the side of caution, if at all, and work to prepare yourself.
Earn your self-esteem through the hard work of learning and experience. Undeserved self-belief is a dangerous thing to have, avoid it if possible.
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