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Collect some achievements you can be proud of
Thursday, 9 November 2006
We all go through difficult times in our lives. When things don't turn out as we might have wished and the world seems to press violently down on us from all sides. We all have times when we feel terribly alone.
It's periods like these when we most need inner-strength and what some call self-respect. A genuine liking for and belief in yourself can make even the most difficult situations seem tolerable. The inner-belief that, no matter what happens, you'll have the strength to deal with it, is an extremely useful thing to have.
A lot of self-help books and articles give you secret "tricks" for developing this self-belief. They say you should chant "I am worthy of happiness" and other such nonsense in front of the mirror. They tell you to create awesome pictures in your head and use all kinds of mind-bending ploys.
It's my opinion that none of these techniques are very effective. They're just more wishful thinking - that you can achieve something worthwhile just by arranging your thoughts in the right way.
To be convinced of something, most people demand external proof.
I can tell you the sky has turned green a thousand times, for example, but you're unlikely to believe me until you see it for yourself. I can yell and scream that I'm the world's greatest tennis player - but until I prove it on the court, I'm unlikely to be taken seriously. People rightly demand hard evidence from others, and providing such proof is the best way to convince yourself also.
Rather than chanting "I'm a great person" while wasting time standing in front of the mirror, go out and prove it to yourself. Rack up some real world achievements that show you're worthy of respect. Trying to talk yourself into that fact simply by using words and mind tricks is likely to be as successful as using the same techniques to convince yourself the sky is green.
Run a marathon, get a post-graduate degree, build something fantastic, create a great work of art. Do something you can be proud of.
In any difficult endeavor, you're bound to come across doubters, those who tell you you're not worthy of even attempting to achieve. Among those doubters is often yourself. Even the greatest people often admit to thinking "I'm not good enough for this" or "This is too hard", but they persist anyway and surprise themselves at what they can achieve.
Genuine confidence comes from real-world feedback of your achievements and abilities. This is the type of rock-solid evidence that even the most difficult situations find it hard to beat when challenging your inner strength.
Take, for example, the thorny circumstances I sometimes find myself in during my career. I work in corporate information technology, an area where you often come across doubt and arrogance. When the situation appears difficult, or someone who doesn't know me well expresses scepticism of my abilities, it often doesn't bother me that much. I've overcome all sorts of challenges in this arena over more than a decade, so I'm pretty confident in myself.
Some arrogant guy in a meeting saying "I have reservations about your chances of delivering, Paul" doesn't really bother me that much. He doesn't know me or what I've done over my career. Only I know that. And even before the air has cleared, I'm pretty sure he's going to be eating his words before too long. I've simply achieved too much real-world feedback over the years that tells me what he's saying simply isn't true.
And that's better proof of inner-strength than all the mind tricks in the world will ever provide me.
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