|
High-school style popularity is effectively worthless in the adult world
Wednesday, 7 June 2006
I was talking to a couple of eighteen year-olds at a dinner party recently when I got a glimpse into a world I left years ago. They were visiting Sydney for the weekend, and the girl was immensely proud that her boyfriend had bumped into a couple of people he knew.
I'd almost forgotten how important popularity is for teenagers. In the world I inhabit (I'm in my mid-thirties) boasting about being "known" by someone in the street seems almost silly.
Not that I want to belittle teenagers desire to seem popular. They live in a different universe to me, with different incentives and disincentives. Adults sometimes wonder about the high-school obsession with popularity, but that's because they forget about the hard-reality of teenage life.
If the average adult was forced to turn up at work every day to find a group of co-workers waiting to call them a "slut" or a "faggot" and likely beat them up for extra-effect, they'd probably start worrying about popularity as well.
That kind of cruel reality is what most teenagers are only a social-step or two away from. In every school, there's a few kids who'll receive similar treatment or worse. Is it any wonder teenagers struggle so hard to make sure they don't end up being one of those kids?
And the only way to do that is try to be popular.
You can spend endless hours speculating about why kids behave this way towards one another, but speculation is easy from a distance. The kids themselves are spending too much time avoiding being victimized to get philosophical about the whole thing.
I suspect it's because all teenagers are basically powerless. They've got very little money, privacy, responsibility, or control over their time. In a lot of ways they're like well-treated concentration camp prisoners - with parents and teachers instead of guards.
Most people hate to be powerless, so if they're not provided with a status-structure in which to exercise some kind of authority, they'll create one. Teenagers bullying one other and having popularity contests is probably just a way of satisfying that need.
The goal they're supposed to be working towards - success in the adult world - seems distant and abstract. And what they're being taught doesn't reflect how they believe that world operates.
Watch television aimed at kids, and you'll see that they view the adult world as being essentially similar to their own. The beautiful people gossip and pose in office blocks instead of the cafeteria. Rock, sports, and movie-stars are seen as the ones making all the really important decisions.
And then one day school finishes and everything changes - because most teenagers have it wrong.
Status in the adult world is measured in a completely different way to how it is in the school environment. Money, the type of work an individual does, long-term relationships, and family are the things most adults care about. High-school style popularity is virtually worthless for getting any of these things.
In the adult world what clothes you wear, what music you listen to, how cool your friends are, and so on are of almost no consequence. Things like ability and maturity are much more important.
Even the ultimate status-symbol in teenage life - beauty - isn't worth that much in the adult world. There are plenty of beautiful people out there working in poorly-paid, degrading jobs. And there are plenty of ugly people at the top of the status tree.
One area many people think beauty should be of great help is in landing a good long-term relationship. Yet looking around, it's difficult to see that being the case. Putting aside the well-documented troubles of the celebrity set, even the ordinary but gorgeous seem to struggle along with the rest of us to find love.
If beauty does have an effect on success in the adult world, it appears minimal.
When teenagers finally walk out of high-school, they can find the real-world a scary and depressing place. Suddenly, the rewards and punishments life dishes out are completely different. What used to work, no longer does.
People in their early-twenties struggle to bridge these different worlds, but most soon figure out how to deal with their new situation. The adult world can be a difficult place. The accountability it demands can be particularly burdensome. But it is, I think, also much more fair and satisfying than school life.
With the increased responsibility comes real freedom and power, and those are more gratifying treats than the shallower teenage concerns.
Of course, some people never really manage to escape high-school. The keep up the petty rivalries and irresponsibility and look to celebrity culture to replace the cool-kids they used to admire. They long to return to the simple world of teenage life. Such people rarely succeed in the adult world.
High-school only lasts for five or six years in most countries, compared to forty or more for adult life. Most people are built to survive better in one or the other of these worlds. Being more suited to the adult one is, in my opinion, ultimately better - simply because the rewards have more substance and the time spent is much longer.
While circumstances sometimes make it difficult, especially if you're bang in the middle of high-school, try to take some comfort from this. Concentrate on increasing the abilities that help you succeed in the adult world, and ultimately you'll likely lead a more satisfying life than your "popular" peers.
 | How to hook up with members of the opposite sex | | A man and a woman meet each other at a singles bar. He bowls her over with his conversation, she dazzles him with her beauty. Within moments, they fall in love. Three months later they're married. |  | Much of success is about knowing how to anticipate problems | | When I was in my teens, my friends and I were addicted to arcade games. This is a pretty typical obsession with boys. I spent lots of my pocket-money on such games and even managed to win some of them. |  | How to develop more sophisticated taste | | We live in an impatient world. Technology has given up unprecedented control over what we consume. If you don’t like what you’re watching on TV, there’s a hundred other channels just waiting for you to flick over to them. |  | Concentrate on the future | | We all have miserable events happen to us in life. Believe me, I’ve had my share too. | | Learn the skill of resilience | | I saw a very interesting TV documentary a couple of weeks back on the issue of happiness. It was asking what makes us happy and what makes happy people different from those who aren't. | | Six things likely to make you happier in the long-term | | I've previously looked at how to get a short-term "hit" of happiness. Now I'll explore the more important subject of long-term happiness. | | Work hard to give yourself lots of options and opportunities | | Always finish what you start, is an adage that many people try to follow. And it's a good one in a lot of ways. But it probably focusses too much on the importance of the entire process towards achieving a goal. Generally, it's the earlier part that's most important, in my view. | | Take some time to reflect on how astonishing it all is | | Sometimes we all feel as if we're living grey little lives. We want to be moving galaxies, but instead we're stuck in traffic, feeling ill, assigned boring tasks, or filling in tax returns. No wonder everyone feels a bit down every now and again. |  | The four measures of financial success | | If you want to do well financially, you must first understand what it is you have to achieve. It's not just a matter of making more money. Instead, there are four factors you must consider. | | Be aware of your competing desires | | Theodore Dalrymple is an interesting writer who often has keen insights into the emotional turbulence within us all. He's a doctor and psychiatrist who spent many years practising in a hospital and a prison in a deprived area of England. As he had to deal so much with those at the bottom of life's heap, he witnessed many of the tragedies that face us all at their most raw. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|