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Get yourself some allies
Friday, 6 April 2007
People I know who are introverted often tell me they don't really understand why outgoing people expend so much time and effort on socialising. They see it all as being a bit shallow and a waste of effort. But I think they miss the point in a lot of ways.
That's because we humans are political animals. We like to gang up on each other, although we try to hide this behind a veneer of sophistication.
You can see it in our countries, our religions, and our sports teams. People are intensely loyal to the groups they belong to. They're prepared to kill or die for those they feel a connection to. In almost any type of negotiation, knowing the other party is a "friend" or a fellow member of the group completely changes the dynamic.
That's why it's worth spending time learning social skills and putting effort into getting yourself some allies. In almost any situation - school, work, charity, business - convincing other people to like you and see you as part of their group brings enormous benefits. Indeed, how good you are is often less important than who you know.
Is this wrong?
You can argue that it is. You can say that a situation should be based on merit and the best person should walk away with the spoils. It's a philosophical discussion that you can waste days pondering.
But it's generally irrelevant. People are what they are, and we tend to bend the situation to favour those we like and feel allied to - whether they're otherwise worthy or not. To ignore this basic fact of human nature is to ask to fail.
I'm not saying you should entirely concentrate on shmoozing people. I find those who try to "work a room" as tiresome as most people. And of course, skills and experience are important in any situation.
The point I'm trying to make is that we're inherently political. That makes most of our institutions and competitions also political. With the rare exception - such as professional sports - how well those around you like you will be a determining factor in your success or failure.
Put some effort into getting yourself some allies in almost any situation. Of course, you'll have the added benefit of making some new friends also.
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