|
Get yourself some allies
People I know who are introverted often tell me they don't really understand why outgoing people expend so much time and effort on socialising. They see it all as being a bit shallow and a waste of effort. But I think they miss the point in a lot of ways.
That's because we humans are political animals. We like to gang up on each other, although we try to hide this behind a veneer of sophistication.
You can see it in our countries, our religions, and our sports teams. People are intensely loyal to the groups they belong to. They're prepared to kill or die for those they feel a connection to. In almost any type of negotiation, knowing the other party is a "friend" or a fellow member of the group completely changes the dynamic.
That's why it's worth spending time learning social skills and putting effort into getting yourself some allies. In almost any situation - school, work, charity, business - convincing other people to like you and see you as part of their group brings enormous benefits. Indeed, how good you are is often less important than who you know.
Is this wrong?
You can argue that it is. You can say that a situation should be based on merit and the best person should walk away with the spoils. It's a philosophical discussion that you can waste days pondering.
But it's generally irrelevant. People are what they are, and we tend to bend the situation to favour those we like and feel allied to - whether they're otherwise worthy or not. To ignore this basic fact of human nature is to ask to fail.
I'm not saying you should entirely concentrate on shmoozing people. I find those who try to "work a room" as tiresome as most people. And of course, skills and experience are important in any situation.
The point I'm trying to make is that we're inherently political. That makes most of our institutions and competitions also political. With the rare exception - such as professional sports - how well those around you like you will be a determining factor in your success or failure.
Put some effort into getting yourself some allies in almost any situation. Of course, you'll have the added benefit of making some new friends also.
 | Don't get sucked in by empty promises | | I was at a work function last night where we were all getting treated to free drinks and food. There was a very attractive girl there who was enjoying the attention of many of the men. |  | Take the initiative in establishing new relationships | | The world is filled with people who are dissatisfied with the state of their relationships. They think they haven't got enough others in their lives, or else they believe the others they have aren't up to scratch. Whether it's friendships that are missing or something more, a lack of satisfactory relationships is a common complaint. |  | Don't hate your body too much, it's the most amazing machine on the planet | | We live in a society fixated on machines and gadgets. The media obsesses over iPods, BMWs, laptops and phones. And we consumers gobble up every titbit of information available on those topics. | | Science is the closest thing to verifiable truth that we have | | Wait! If you're the type of person who reads the word "science" in a title then moves quickly on, then this is an article you need to read. I promise it won't be boring. |  | Become excellent at creating new opportunities | | The scouts have an excellent motto. It says simply “Be prepared”. Whether or not you have ever been a scout or a guide, this is a good attitude to have towards life. | | Incompetent people tend to overestimate their skill level | | Something interesting happens to me whenever I try to learn a new skill. I tend to underestimate just how hard it's going to be. For some reason, part of me thinks I'm going to be naturally talented at it, even though I have no evidence for that being the case. | | We're all just lost at sea | | Picture this. You wake up to find yourself aboard a huge old sailing boat. You can't remember who you are, or where you were before. You can't even remember what your name is. | | Perfect contentment leads to stagnation | | Have a look at how so many of us live our lives. We get up in the morning, go out all day and work, work, work. Whether in a rich country or a poor one, a good neighbourhood or bad, you can be sure that most of the people around you will be working most of the time. | | Find the right balance between improving your situation and enjoying it | | There's a funny scene in the film "Thank you for smoking" where the main character, a public relations shill for the cigarette industry, is asked how he can do such an unethical job. "Everyone's got to pay the mortgage", he replies. | | The world's best investment | | Many people don't think of it consciously, but much of our lives are spent deciding how to invest our resources. Families decide whether to move into a bigger house, or save their money and stay in the current one. Young women decide which man they should bet their reproductive potential on. Workers ponder what they should do with their holidays. And so on. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|