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Who your friends are will have a big influence on who you are
Friday, 6 January 2006
Of all the influences on our thinking, our interactions with others is probably the most important one. Those who we talk to on a regular basis have a much larger authority over our perception and feelings than many imagine.
Humans are social animals, and if you put a group of them together, they will certainly form friendships. That's why we tend to shape our most lasting acquaintances in places that we spend a lot of time - school, college and work. This is despite the fact that it's rare we will know who the people in those places will be before we arrive.
Few of us choose who our fellow classmates at school are, but we are amazed to find that among those twenty or thirty people are some of the best friends we'll ever make. Just imagine if we'd attended a different school, we would never have met that lifelong friend, although their face would probably have been replaced with another.
Certainly in those places where we are obliged to interact, such as school or work, we may team up with those most similar to ourselves. But everyone's different in their own way, and their differences from us will likely have a large influence.
Because of this, you need to choose your friends carefully.
If you find yourself having to interact day in and out with drug addicts, then drugs will start to seem like a normal part of life. If your group of friends suddenly became criminals, then crime is likely to seem an attractive solution to your problems.
If everyone you know is obsessed with playing sport, then it's almost certain that you too will start to take an interest. If your acquaintances are religious, then you too will likely find yourself interested in that part of life.
The army takes advantage of this phenomenon when breaking in new soldiers. They throw a group of strangers together and force them to rely on one another. They mold the point of view of the group by deliberately influencing every individual in it to think in a certain way. Those individuals then reinforce that perspective within the group, and before long you have a unit of men who will follow one another into battle.
You may have a great affection for someone with a destructive view of the world. To let any friend go is obviously a choice you have to make yourself, but you should realize that talking to that person is almost certainly having a negative affect on your own psyche.
Try to spend time with people who have traits that you admire. People who are ambitious, determined and active. Those who are creative rather than destructive.
If you find yourself spending too much time among those who are unhelpful to your happiness, make a concerted effort to be among those who can provide more positive interactions. Go to places where you are likely to meet such people.
This habit will certainly make a big difference to how well you do in life.
 | How to find yourself | | Along with the problem of trying to figure out how the world works, we also all have a similar problem of discovering exactly who it is we are. People are always surprising themselves with behavior they didn’t expect and thoughts they feel aren’t entirely in their control. |  | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. |  | How to get a job paying more than $100,000 a year | | How do people get themselves into a position of earning good incomes at young ages? Why do some people work hard for minimum wage while others have cushy jobs that are well-paid? Most importantly, how can you become one of the latter? | | Becoming more self-absorbed probably isn't going to solve your problems | | There are many books and articles written about how to improve your life. Many focus on changing what's going on inside your head. They want you to think more positively, change your inner conversation, and carefully examine your past. In general, they have one thing in common, they want you to become more self-absorbed. |  | The easiest way to fool smart people | | There’s a saying among con-men that smart people are easier targets, because they don’t think they can be conned. I’m not sure if that’s true, but there’s one scam that’s almost guaranteed to make smart people switch off their brains and reach for their wallets. | | You can't trust people with money | | What is it with money that makes otherwise good people lose all moral perspective? The dubious real-estate agent may well be a good and trustworthy friend away from the office, but he'll tell his clients anything to get a few extra dollars out of them. |  | Evidence that success comes from self-discipline | | An interesting experiment on the nature of success was started by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s. He decided to test the self-discipline of children at an early age, then trace their relative success as their lives went on. |  | If you have a problem, look in the mirror first for its source | | Consider the following scenario. Mr Smith has been a dedicated employee at a big company for over fifteen years. He has a mortgage, two children at private school, and a nice car, all paid for with debt. | | Understanding the games people play | | A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play. | | Whatever you say or do in this world, someone will strongly disapprove | | Wouldn't it be great if everyone just loved us and thought everything we did and said was right? What an easy life that would be. Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen any time soon. Pretty much anything you do or say is going to make somebody angry, upset, or despairing of your intelligence and sanity. |
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