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The nine biggest mistakes single women make with men
Monday, 5 September 2005
I've known a lot of single women well in my life. As usual, I try observe their experiences as well as my own to try and figure out what's going on. Here are what I consider to be the most common mistakes single women make when dealing with men.
Not taking enough care of their appearance
It won't come as any surprise to those reading this to find out that men are attracted to looks. All women know this, yet only some seem to take note. Just doing your best to look good will improve your chances of landing a good relationship immensely.
Bad personal hygiene, unflattering clothes, unkempt hair, being over or under weight, unsightly body hair, wearing glasses instead of contacts, bad teeth, and too much or too little make-up can ruin your chances. Take care of these negative attributes for a big pay-off.
Dressing strangely to make a fashion statement
When it comes to dress, don't try to make a fashion statement or be too different. Fashion may be a great way to say something about your personality, but it comes at a cost of your attractiveness. If you're happy to accept that cost by saying "if they don't like the way I dress too bad", fair enough. But don't be surprised if you have less romantic options open too you as a result.
Frightening men away
Most men learn early to be careful when making advances towards women. Because of this, we are usually very nervous about approaching you, even if we give the appearance of being confident. It's natural for you to resist unwanted advances, but there's a balance to be made. If you always aggressively reject even gentle advances, you'll never have any hope of starting a relationship.
Give some men a chance, even if their initial approaches seem bumbling. They may surprise you. It always amazes me how many women I hear say they never meet any good men, while rejecting every new man they meet within seconds. It takes time to get to know people, after all.
Being too easy
At the other end of the scale are women who are too easy. Men like a bit of a challenge, and if we end up in bed with you after the first date, we're unlikely to feel much respect for you. Make us work for your love, but don't overdo it.
This balance can be difficult to achieve, but a good measure is: if you're ending up with too many men who dump you soon afterwards, you're being too easy; if you're never ending up with any men despite being approached, you're frightening them away.
Thinking that they're going to be in their twenties forever
Many women in their twenties are presented with an embarrassment of choice when it comes to men. This makes them think they can wait around forever if necessary until the perfect man comes along. By the time they hit their thirties, these women are surprised to find that the endless choice they've become used to suddenly disappears. Suddenly, men aren't as interested, and those that are in their age group all seem to be married.
Enjoy being spoilt with attention in your twenties, but realize that this wonderful situation is going to come to an end sooner than you think.
Not giving him a signal to let him know you're ready
The hardest thing for men to know is when you're ready to be kissed. Men know that making a physical move on a woman that doesn't want it is likely to be met with a very bad reaction. That's why we're so terrible at making the first move. Most men fall into two camps when it comes to this area - backwardly shy or ridiculously over-confident. Even the latter are usually just over-compensating for their incompetence in this area.
If you're ready to move things up a level, let him know. Give him a "kiss me" look and some contact by holding his hand or sitting on his lap.
Stringing him along for too long
Most women know that being too easy is a mistake - so they make him work for his reward. This is all well and good, but don't take it too far.
After a time, even the most dedicated man is likely to become distracted and lose interest. I've seen many situations where a woman let the man of her dreams slip though her fingers by making him work too hard to get the relationship started. Inevitably, someone else more accommodating comes along and takes him away.
Choosing impossible partners
There's something about the man they aren't allowed to have that fascinates women. So they choose to fall in love with their best friend's boyfriend or a married man.
Such desires can become like addictions, where you're convinced you'll never meet anyone as wonderful as him. Of course, this is wrong. There are plenty of wonderful men in the world who can make you just as happy as he could.
Like all destructive addictions, the best way to deal with this one is to go cold-turkey. Remove yourself from the company of the man in question and look for alternative partners. This will be very difficult at first, but before long you'll wonder what you ever saw in him.
Not going to where the men are
The best places to meet men are not singles bars. The men you meet there have probably been drinking, and will not be at their best. If you want to meet good men, go to where they are - at work, at study, or at play. Spend time in places where the type of man you're looking for is likely to be. This may involve joining a club, doing a class, or starting a job in a particular field.
So there you have it. My nine biggest mistakes single women make. Hopefully they will help you to find your perfect relationship.
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