|
What to do about things that are out of your control
Sunday, 5 February 2006
Despite what some would have us believe, there are large numbers of things that affect us in this life that are completely out of our control. What natural abilities we're born with, which family we're born into, what happens with the economy in our country, and of course death are all things we're pretty much completely powerless over.
Terrible accidents or terrible diseases can affect us, people who we wish would love us simply refuse to do so, and those we love will behave in ways that we wish they wouldn't. Then of course there are natural disasters like earthquakes and floods.
Despite the arrogance that some people display, individually we're pretty pathetic creatures when it comes to having power over the universe around us. We cling desperately to the surface of this one tiny planet, fighting off the many obstacles to survival that it throws in our path. What's within our control is vastly outnumbered by what's out of it, no matter how we like to kid ourselves otherwise.
So what are we to do?
Deal with it! Simple as that.
Accept the fact that there are a large number of things we are completely powerless to do anything about. And that nature could, if it chose to, ruin our lives or even kill us without any real effort on its part.
Bad things happen, but then good things happen too. We'd all like to have more power over our existences, but we have to make do with what we've got.
Of course, the history of humanity is one of gaining control over things that were previously outside it. It was impossible to talk in a timely manner to someone outside of immediate earshot not so long ago. Now we have the telephone to do so. Powered flight was considered by some an impossible dream before the beginning of last century.
But these are massive breakthroughs and it's extremely unlikely that you will be involved in even one of these during your lifetime (although that's no reason not to try). Of course, clever people elsewhere will likely make breakthroughs during your lifetime that will hand you a small amount of control over that which you previously had none. Even these breakthroughs are beyond your influence in almost every case, however.
Accept that in many cases you are at the mercy of a universe that's mostly indifferent to your plight. Doing so lifts an enormous psychological weight off your shoulders. Concentrate instead on influencing those things that you can.
And be supremely thankful that you've been given the chance to experience some of the wonderful things the world has to offer at all. For even being born was out of your control, but it happened. And you've certainly had some fantastic experiences in your life, even if they've been counterbalanced with some dreadful ones.
You're alive and aware to experience this big wonderful, terrifying, unpredictable, beautiful universe.
Lucky you!
 | Look for the underlying pattern | | We humans are pattern-spotting machines. The world can often seem complex and random, but if you look under the covers, you can sometimes find an underlying pattern for its behaviour. In fact, it's the discovery of such patterns that have driven our development forward in many areas. |  | Don't get too easily discouraged | | Occasionally, you may come across someone who appears as if they were born an expert in something. Perhaps it's sport, meeting people, business or family. Some of us just seem to be stars, while others are common. | | Test yourself out on the real world | | Each of us lives in two different places. The real world in which our bodies are firmly anchored, and a shadow-world of fantasies, rules-of-thumb and strategies that flows in the space between our ears. | | Fill your life up with interesting stuff | | We all feel a bit down sometimes. "To be or not to be, that is the question;" Shakespeare's Hamlet famously said. "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing, end them." |  | My eight best negotiation tips | | Negotiation is a part of life we all have to deal with. Being able to do so successfully can make a big difference to our outcomes. Here are eight tips that have helped me. | | Is there something you want? Why not ask for it? | | One of the big differences that I've noticed between those who get what they want and those who don't comes down to one simple behavior - whether they're willing to ask for it. |  | Understanding the games people play | | A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play. | | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. | | Be adaptable in a changing world | | When I look and listen to the people around me, I get the impression that many of them are terribly afraid of change. You can see it in the way they cling desperately to a job they hate, keep friends who are obviously bad for them, and stay in abusive relationships. | | It's not going to just fall into your lap | | I meet a lot of people who are dissatisfied with their lives. They feel they don't have enough money, enough love or enough recognition. They see others around them getting all the rewards while they're passed by for the good things in life. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|