The eleven biggest mistakes single men make with women
Now I'm not pretending to know absolutely everything there is to know about women - no man ever can make that claim. I have spent time around a lot of women though, had a few girlfriends and am now married, so I've learned a few things along the way. From my own experiences and what I've observed from those around me, here are the eleven biggest mistakes men make when dealing with women.
Thinking there's some secret that, once learned, will make every woman fall in love with you
Hucksters the world over have long used this fantasy to try and make a quick buck. There is no magic trick to making women fall for you. All women are different. They are also much smarter than men when it comes to figuring out that someone's trying to manipulate them. If you try to deceive a woman into loving you, you'll likely just ruin your chances altogether.
Even worse are those men who try to force women to like them through aggressive courting tactics. This technique is almost guaranteed to backfire, despite what books on the subject may promise.
Not realizing that women are just ordinary people like us
Woman aren't angels sent down from the heavens to spend time with we lesser mortals. Nor are they lesser beings provided to serve us. They're just people like men. They have strengths and weaknesses, hopes and fears just like we do. Realizing that women are just people will help you immensely when you're around them. Act like yourself and you'll be fine.
Believing that women are interested in all that macho nonsense
Women like a man to be manly, there's no doubt about that. But they're not impressed by all the nonsense men use to prove themselves to one another. If you think spitting, swearing and fighting are going to get you anywhere with women, you're wrong. They may put up with such behavior, but they're unlikely to approve of it deep down.
Men who go out of their way to prove themselves are looked upon as a bit pathetic by most women. A real eye opener can be to spend time with a group of men obsessively involved in proving themselves through manly pursuits like adventure sports, rally driving, or kick boxing. It's very common for such men to be without girlfriends.
Not having any female friends
Men are born completely ignorant of women's needs. In every aspect of the courting game, we start out as complete fumbling amateurs. We begin with no idea of what women like, what they think about or even how to talk to them. The best way to fill that gap in your knowledge is to cultivate a group of female friends. Spending time with women is the best way to get to know them.
Many men will have nothing to do with a woman that they aren't attracted to. This is a big mistake. Not only can such women teach you a lot, but even better, they can introduce you to their more attractive friends. The easiest way to start a relationship with a woman is to be introduced to them by a mutual friend. Don't blow that chance by thinking women you're not attracted to have nothing to offer.
Acting sexually desperate
There is no bigger turn-off for your average woman than a sexually desperate man. If you beg a girl you hardly know to go to bed with you, your chances of getting anywhere with her are minuscule. This goes double for pinching women on the bottom, grabbing their breasts or trying to look down their tops. She'll let you know when she's ready to go further, until she gives you these signals, keep your desperation in check.
Thinking there's no rush and you'll get another chance
Which brings me onto the next point. When a woman gives you a strong signal that she's interested and it's time to move to the next base, you'd better get running. This is a mistake I've made many times in the past. I've thought "I'm too tired for this, or I'm too nervous and shocked, if she likes me now she'll give me another chance later".
When women are ready for action, they expect you to step up to the plate. If you fail to do so when the signals are coming through loud and strong, don't expect to be given another chance later on.
Not knowing how to get things started
So you've had a nice date, you've walked her home and you're standing on her doorstep. She's looking up at you expectantly with big eyes and it's clear she expects something more. What now?
This is the point that we all sometimes collapse. There's nothing more uncomfortable than leaning forward for a kiss and being rejected. At the same time, it's a terrible mistake to waste such a rare opportunity. How do you resolve this crisis?
Here's a strategy that worked well for me. Simply say to her in a soft voice "Would you like to have a kiss?". Make sure that it's not an aggressive demand, but a shy request. If she's interested, she'll say yes and you can get on with the business. If she's not interested, she'll likely let you down gently from such a respectful request.
Not knowing when to give up
I know the movies are filled with touching stories of men who got their perfect girl through sheer persistence. But we're not living in a movie. If you've made a few attempts at pursuing a girl and she's let you down, it's time to wake up and smell the coffee.
Calling her every night and hanging around her front door begging for a date isn't romantic - it's stalking. There are plenty of fish in the sea, as the saying goes, so realize it's time to move on.
Allowing yourself to get strung along
The situation of not knowing when to give up is further complicated when the pursued woman is stringing the pursuing man along. Some women find it very flattering to have desperate admirers following them around like lost puppy dogs. If you're the fall guy in this situation, you likely already know about it. Being strung along like this can be very difficult to get out of. Having to be with her becomes like an addiction that you can't break.
Struggle with yourself until you can get out of this situation. Like any addiction, the best method is to go cold turkey. Resist attempts to speak to her or see her. Avoid her as best you can. It usually doesn't take long for the addiction to wane, and within weeks you may be wondering what you ever saw in her.
An interesting twist on the cold-turkey strategy is that you may find the object of your desire becoming more interested in you. I've seen a man turn around being strung along more than once by simply appearing to lose interest.
Not going to where the girls are
The best way to hook yourself up with a woman is to meet as many of them as you possibly can. The fact is that most women you meet aren't going to end up in a relationship with you. Love is a numbers game in many ways - the more potential partners you meet, the more likely you are to come across the right one for you.
And the best way to meet a lot of women is to go where they are. There are lots of places where you are likely to be among groups of women. The best are classes, hobbies and clubs. Doing a course in an area that women are traditionally more interested in than men is a great example.
On guy I knew took up ballet classes during his teenage years. Many of his friends laughed at him, until he started turning up to parties with beautiful ballerinas in tow.
Presenting yourself badly
It always amazes me when I meet men who complain they can't get a date and yet maintain a sloppy appearance. Women are very focussed on how people present themselves, and if you don't put in a bit of effort you're just making things difficult for yourself.
Poor personal hygiene, long greasy hair, unkempt beards, old unironed clothes with stains on them, yellow teeth, body odor, nasal hair and bad breath are almost guaranteed to turn off any woman. Put some money and effort into your personal appearance and you'll reap the rewards many times over.
So there they are, the eleven biggest mistakes I've observed. Hopefully some of them help you find your perfect partner.
|Don't get sucked in by empty promises |
|I was at a work function last night where we were all getting treated to free drinks and food. There was a very attractive girl there who was enjoying the attention of many of the men.|
|Take the initiative in establishing new relationships |
|The world is filled with people who are dissatisfied with the state of their relationships. They think they haven't got enough others in their lives, or else they believe the others they have aren't up to scratch. Whether it's friendships that are missing or something more, a lack of satisfactory relationships is a common complaint.|
|Don't hate your body too much, it's the most amazing machine on the planet |
|We live in a society fixated on machines and gadgets. The media obsesses over iPods, BMWs, laptops and phones. And we consumers gobble up every titbit of information available on those topics.|
|Science is the closest thing to verifiable truth that we have |
|Wait! If you're the type of person who reads the word "science" in a title then moves quickly on, then this is an article you need to read. I promise it won't be boring.|
|Become excellent at creating new opportunities |
|The scouts have an excellent motto. It says simply “Be prepared”. Whether or not you have ever been a scout or a guide, this is a good attitude to have towards life.|
|Incompetent people tend to overestimate their skill level |
|Something interesting happens to me whenever I try to learn a new skill. I tend to underestimate just how hard it's going to be. For some reason, part of me thinks I'm going to be naturally talented at it, even though I have no evidence for that being the case.|
|We're all just lost at sea |
|Picture this. You wake up to find yourself aboard a huge old sailing boat. You can't remember who you are, or where you were before. You can't even remember what your name is.|
|Perfect contentment leads to stagnation |
|Have a look at how so many of us live our lives. We get up in the morning, go out all day and work, work, work. Whether in a rich country or a poor one, a good neighbourhood or bad, you can be sure that most of the people around you will be working most of the time.|
|Find the right balance between improving your situation and enjoying it |
|There's a funny scene in the film "Thank you for smoking" where the main character, a public relations shill for the cigarette industry, is asked how he can do such an unethical job. "Everyone's got to pay the mortgage", he replies.|
|The world's best investment |
|Many people don't think of it consciously, but much of our lives are spent deciding how to invest our resources. Families decide whether to move into a bigger house, or save their money and stay in the current one. Young women decide which man they should bet their reproductive potential on. Workers ponder what they should do with their holidays. And so on.|
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.