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People value what they've sacrificed most for
Sunday, 4 February 2007
I saw an interesting documentary once on army boot camps. I can't remember what it was called or anything like that, but I recall a powerful lesson it contained.
I'd always wondered why the army is so horrible to its new recruits. After all, usually when you start a new job somewhere they go out of their way to be nice to you in the hope you'll stick around. But the army puts its recruits through six weeks (in Australia) of legalized hell. Recruits get shouted at, insulted, put through physical hardship, and generally bullied. At the end of it, they're fit and disciplined.
I assumed it was all about some sort of psychological breaking of the recruits. Letting them see that they are a mere unimportant cog in the giant and more vital machine of the military. I suppose there's some truth to that. I also understand that it helps to get them in shape quickly for life as a soldier.
But according to the above-mentioned documentary, it's about deep personal friendships. The thing the army values most is people who are prepared to play in a team, and take big risks if necessary for comrades. By throwing a bunch of new recruits together and putting them through hell, you virtually guarantee they'll form close and loyal friendships. Friendships which will convince them to make big sacrifices for the benefit of the team.
This strategy taps into a deep psychological need in human beings. We value things that we've sacrificed most for.
On this surface, this statement seems obvious. Of course we care about things that have cost us dearly. But when you think about it, that attitude doesn't really make a lot of sense.
The things we possess - friendship, objects, achievements - should be valued on how useful they are to us. A good friend is a good friend whether we spent time in boot camp together or met in the bar of a plush hotel. The circumstances under which our friendship was formed should be irrelevant, but it isn't.
The most obvious example of this is with expensive cars. A very cheap car and a very expensive car generally vary little in their usefulness. The expensive car may have a bigger engine, better stereo and leather seats, but its utility in getting us from A to B is almost exactly the same. Some cars cost fifty times the price of others, yet it's doubtful if they're even twice as good at getting you around. Yet people are fascinated and obsessed with luxury cars.
Why?
I think a big part of the fascination has to do with the sacrifice made for them. A Bentley, for example, is a fine and interesting car. But I think the most interesting thing about it for many people is its cost. It's fascinating because it's expensive - because someone has made a big sacrifice to get it.
I've also seen this phenomenon after someone breaks up a relationship to be with someone else. The better the initial relationship, the more in love the person seems to be with their new partner. Because they've given up a good life, they seem to value the new partner above and beyond their intrinsic value. In fact, often the new partner can be nothing special, but with such big sacrifices made, the logic of love says they're amazing.
I think understanding this phenomenon can help you understand certain aspects of human behavior. If someone is doing something that seems stupid and confusing, have a look at what they've sacrificed. If it's a lot, then that probably plays a big part in their thinking.
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