|
Too much self-belief can be expensive
Monday, 3 September 2007
We are often told about how important self-belief is. We're told to be optimistic, think positive and view ourselves as born special and unique. This is all well and good, but at times it can also be damaging. Too much self-belief can actually limit your potential.
In fact, my experience has been, from observing myself and others, that too much self-belief is a bigger problem than too little. It happens so many times that people enter a situation with excessive views about their own potential, that it seems to be a hard-wired part of human nature. Lots of research points to the fact that humans tend to overestimate their own value. This isn't a good thing.
A perfect example is when we start school. Up to that point, we've generally been led to believe that we're a pretty special and lovable person. Most people we meet up to then - our parents, grandparents and their friends - have given pretty positive reactions. Indeed, they think we're adorable.
Suddenly, we arrive in the school-yard and find - shock, horror - that some people don't like us. Indeed, they go out of their way to let us know that we're pretty low down on the value chain, as far as they're concerned.
One minute, we're the most valuable person in the world, the next we're struggling to maintain any sort of status whatsoever.
This can be a pretty bruising experience. The social competition of the school-yard is ruthless and cruel. It's no wonder some people never fully recover from this experience.
Yet, most children, once they've got over the initial shock, use the challenge presented to better themselves. They realise that they weren't born to be the most valuable person in the world, and they'd better learn some skills to improve their standing quick-smart. Thus, social skills are developed.
The mating game is another area where reality meets expectations with a loud clash. Almost all of us reach a point at some stage, where we realise that we're not the most attractive person on the planet. Some hit this earlier, some later, but we all get there at some stage.
That's why unrequited attraction can be so painful. We see ourselves as the most attractive and amazing person ever born, and it hurts when reality tells us otherwise. Yet in this cruel awakening lies the seeds of self-improvement. We can go to the gym, diet, learn about fashion and pick up conversational skills. Paradoxically, realising we're nothing special motivates us to become something special.
You can observe this pattern all around you. Intelligent and arrogant young-people enter the job market to find themselves doing photocopying and going for coffee. Former celebrities find themselves broke and alone. Mathematics PhDs lose all their money on a bad investment.
Our own beliefs about ourselves are usually rosy, while reality takes a much dimmer view.
Situations like this are facts of life. And boy do they hurt. But it's in how you react to them that success is to be found. When the world tells you loud-and-clear that you're not as great as you thought you were, it's natural to want to go into denial. To lock yourself in your room and continue trying to hold onto the fantasy that you're somehow special.
But don't let that tendency become a habit. Once the initial shock and hurt has worn off, admit the truth to yourself. And be determined to put in the work to improve. This is the more difficult road, of course. Maintaining a fantasy while carefully not allowing reality to intrude may be comfortable. But it's also pathetic.
Go out and face the world. Learn how to become a better person after you get hurt. That's the true path to success.
 | How to find yourself | | Along with the problem of trying to figure out how the world works, we also all have a similar problem of discovering exactly who it is we are. People are always surprising themselves with behavior they didn’t expect and thoughts they feel aren’t entirely in their control. |  | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. |  | How to get a job paying more than $100,000 a year | | How do people get themselves into a position of earning good incomes at young ages? Why do some people work hard for minimum wage while others have cushy jobs that are well-paid? Most importantly, how can you become one of the latter? | | Becoming more self-absorbed probably isn't going to solve your problems | | There are many books and articles written about how to improve your life. Many focus on changing what's going on inside your head. They want you to think more positively, change your inner conversation, and carefully examine your past. In general, they have one thing in common, they want you to become more self-absorbed. |  | The easiest way to fool smart people | | There’s a saying among con-men that smart people are easier targets, because they don’t think they can be conned. I’m not sure if that’s true, but there’s one scam that’s almost guaranteed to make smart people switch off their brains and reach for their wallets. | | You can't trust people with money | | What is it with money that makes otherwise good people lose all moral perspective? The dubious real-estate agent may well be a good and trustworthy friend away from the office, but he'll tell his clients anything to get a few extra dollars out of them. |  | Evidence that success comes from self-discipline | | An interesting experiment on the nature of success was started by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s. He decided to test the self-discipline of children at an early age, then trace their relative success as their lives went on. |  | If you have a problem, look in the mirror first for its source | | Consider the following scenario. Mr Smith has been a dedicated employee at a big company for over fifteen years. He has a mortgage, two children at private school, and a nice car, all paid for with debt. | | Understanding the games people play | | A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play. | | Whatever you say or do in this world, someone will strongly disapprove | | Wouldn't it be great if everyone just loved us and thought everything we did and said was right? What an easy life that would be. Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen any time soon. Pretty much anything you do or say is going to make somebody angry, upset, or despairing of your intelligence and sanity. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|