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Everybody loves a modest hero
Wednesday, 3 May 2006
The business of trying to impress people is a tricky one. Of course, we all like to pretend we’re above seeking the admiration of others.
“I don’t care what anyone thinks!” is a popular phrase. But anyone who follows this philosophy is likely to find life difficult.
Being effective at impressing people is a big part of success in life. Companies that impress customers with the price and quality of their products usually beat their competitors. Employees who impress the boss usually get promotions. Boys who impress girls are usually never short of a date.
Most people figure out pretty early that making a positive impact on others is a good path towards getting what you want. Where they often fall down, is in trying to take shortcuts towards getting that desired admiration.
I can look back on many points in my life, as I’m sure you can, where I’ve made a complete idiot out of myself through clumsy attempts to impress somebody. I’ve exaggerated and lied in my quest for respect, and it’s often ended in embarrassing disaster.
Most people can see through inept attempts to win their favour, and will actually think less of you rather than more. If you’re caught in a lie while talking up your achievements, you'll come out of the situation looking like a fool. If you try to disguise that you’re not quite the super-person you’re trying to give the impression of being, you’re almost certain to get caught out.
Think how you feel when a company runs an advertisement that brazenly exaggerates what their product is capable of. You probably won’t consider doing business with them again, and you'll see them as pathetic liars.
The same goes for people. If I told you repeatedly in a loud voice that I was an expert at playing jazz piano, you’d think I was an idiot and not to be trusted when you inevitably found out that I can't play a note.
Even if you do have achievements you think others should admire, any attempt to talk them up is likely to be met with derision. Everyone hates a show-off.
Sure, some sportspeople and rap stars get away with mouthing-off about how great they are, but these are often people at the top of their field. Excessive boasting is probably going to be overlooked as a character flaw in an otherwise talented whole, rather than the reason they are worthy of admiration in the first place.
So how do you get around this problem - the need to impress people in order to succeed, knowing that nobody can stand a loud-mouthed show-off?
The answer is to impress people with what you do rather than what you say. If you have admirable skills and achievements, people will notice these without your having to point them out. In fact, if you follow the path of being a quiet achiever your peers will likely admire you more. Everybody loves a modest hero.
Of course, there’s no problem with advertising your skills if the need arises. If someone's having a heart-attack in the street, informing the crowd that you’re a doctor is not a sign of conceit.
Likewise, saying during a job interview that you have a lot of experience in the field, is not going to mark you as arrogant. That is, provided you do so in a reasonably modest manner. Oh yes, and that it's true.
Rather than wasting your efforts trying to impress others by spouting hot-air about how great you are, instead concentrate on improving your list of skills and achievements. For it’s on what we do, not what we say, that people judge us.
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