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Take responsibility for your actions
Friday, 2 September 2005
Let me tell you a few things about my childhood.
When I was seven years old, my parents divorced. They had been fighting for many years, and it's difficult for me to remember them ever being in love. There was a legal battle for my brother and I, with the court awarding custody to my mother.
Up until that point, we had been living in Canberra, which is a prosperous and conservative city. Most of my friends were the children of well-paid government workers.
I was pulled out of school when I was eight and we moved to Alice Springs in the center of Australia, one of the most isolated towns in the world. Alice Springs has a large aboriginal population, as well as many drifters and families doing it tough. The school I was put into was a very rough place and within days of arriving I'd been physically assaulted more than once by other children.
We were soon wishing we could move back to Canberra to live with my father.
When I was nine years old, I ran away from home with a friend from school. We had dreams of stowing away on a train to Adelaide, where we'd start new happier lives. We were caught late at night wandering the streets by one of my friend's parents and returned home.
When I was twelve, we moved from Alice Springs to Darwin, in the north of Australia. This was probably the happiest part of my childhood and I made many close friends. The life there agreed with my family.
Three years later we moved back to Canberra after my stepfather got a new job there. Even though I was a good student, I had to move back a year in school, as the Canberra school year was behind the one in Darwin. I arrived during the last year of high school, not knowing anybody. One of the popular kids decided he didn't like me. He instructed his friends to pick on me constantly and encouraged bullies to attack me.
In Darwin, I had been among the most popular kids at school. In Canberra, every day involved trying to avoid being chased by a gang of jeering teenagers. It was one of the most miserable years I've ever had, and I even remember contemplating suicide.
Of course, in between all this turbulence, I had many happy times as well.
So with all that in mind, what responsibility for any bad actions I undertake can I excuse because of difficulties in my childhood.
Answer: none at all.
We all have bad things happen to us when we're children. But trying to blame our current decisions on those past events is just deflecting the blame.
You are responsible for your own actions, just as I am. Don't try to wriggle out of accepting that responsibility just because something bad happened to you once. It won't wash.
As a society, we've decided to remove the blame on those who commit destructive acts by saying that the perpetrators were driven to do it. An abusive father apparently can't help himself because he too was abused as a child. Someone who drinks too much or over-eats is only compensating for the lack of love they got from their parents. An unfaithful husband only sleeps around to make up for his lack of stability in childhood.
In almost every case, this world view is wrong. We are responsible for our own actions and no excuses will change that fact. Plenty of people manage to make the right decision despite coming from difficult backgrounds, why shouldn't you be able to?
If you are undertaking actions that you know are wrong, you need to look at yourself in the mirror and accept that you're the only one to blame. Once you have the courage to accept that responsibility, it's only a small step to realizing you also have the strength to change.
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