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It's okay to be sad sometimes
Tuesday, 2 August 2005
We live in a society where sadness is seen as a terrible thing. In a classic case of "blame the victim", people going through a period of unhappiness are looked upon as sick and even pathetic.
According to the health and well-being tyrants, if you don't have a big, stupid grin on your face the whole time, there's something very, very wrong. This is, of course, a complete load of garbage. If you think those promoting this point of view never feel unhappy themselves, you're wrong.
The occasional spell of misery is part of human life. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, and it's inevitable that sometimes we're going to feel a bit down. With the complications we face in our love-lives, our careers, our families, our finances and our health, it's ridiculous to believe we can struggle through on a happiness high all the time.
Besides, periods of sadness are what make the happy parts of our lives stand out so strongly. Without experiencing periods of heartache, how would you know how important it is to have another person to share your life with? Would you appreciate that gift as much if it had fallen into your lap the moment you desired it? Of course not.
Times of loneliness show us the importance of friendship; and only those who've been completely broke can appreciate how vital it is to have some money in your pocket.
This war against sadness that many seem to be engaged in comes across as counter-productive to me. Some negative emotions are a part of life. The inner wounds we feel, like those on the outside, are not going to get any better by pretending they're not there.
Instead, we should see them as part of the richness of our existence. A sugar-coated perfect world may sound nice - but it would be boring and shallow compared to the one we live in. The simple world of children's stories - the Smurfs, My Little Pony, the Care Bares - come to seem empty for us as we age. Those worlds without real grief, pain and betrayal appear crude and lifeless.
It is not time itself, but the baptism of fire we go through as we age that really matures us. Without the hurt and disappointment that life throws at us, we would remain in a childlike and naive state. The beauty of a sad song would be lost upon us, love would seem cheap and worthless, and the effort of achievement a waste of time.
So if you're going through a period of pain and sadness, let it be. After a time the sharpness of the hurt will dull and likely even disappear. See it for what it is - an inevitable part of life that everyone must go through.
Of course, some depression is medical, and if you feel you're experiencing that type, you should seek professional help. But if yours is the more standard form of gloominess that we all sometimes feel, make your peace with it.
It is the price we must pay for a richer, deeper appreciation of what it is to exist. And without it, our lives would seem empty and meaningless.
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