 | Take the initiative in establishing new relationships |
| The world is filled with people who are dissatisfied with the state of their relationships. They think they haven't got enough others in their lives, or else they believe the others they have aren't up to scratch. Whether it's friendships that are missing or something more, a lack of satisfactory relationships is a common complaint. |
| Give away lots of little gifts |
| It amazes me how many people don't pay attention to developing their relationships. Other people are extremely useful in life. Indeed, for me, I think they are probably my favourite thing in the whole world. A good connection with another can be the most wonderful thing you can have. |
| Life is conflict |
| The Lord of the Flies by William Golding is a fascinating novel. It tells the story of a group of school boys who get trapped together on a desert island. At first, everything is fine and they come up with laws to govern themselves. But soon, they turn into savages and murderers as the options to fulfil their selfish needs become too enticing. |
| Convince people to sell themselves to you |
| What do you want from others? Love? Respect? Money? Fame? In many social relationships there is a component of power involved. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but it's a fact so you might as well deal with it. In many one-on-one interactions, you will notice that one person is more dominant than the other. One is calling the shots, while the other reacts. |
| A good way of punishing bad behaviour in others |
| Most of us know the maxim that we should reward pleasing behaviour in others and punish the bad. But most people tend to do the punishment side completely wrongly. The thing is when it comes to that, many people underestimate how badly things will make the other person feel. |
| Learn how to develop an emotional connection with people |
| What is it about those who are close to you outside your family that makes you care about them? Is it that they're the most attractive, smartest or charming people you've ever met? Probably not. |
| Let people underestimate you |
| A lot of people who come to like and admire me admit they didn't think much of me when we first met. I'm not sure if it's that I'm not a particularly striking person on first impression, or if it's that simply most people aren't. Certainly when I look at a crowd of strangers on the train, there's very few people among them that catch my attention. |
| Be a super-friendly person |
| Sometimes, we all feel grumpy and miserable. Our bodies ache, our head is clouded and our circumstances a poor. Yet there's a simple trick that can help relieve many of these problems. |
| Why not to be a show-off |
| We all want to be recognized for the good things we are or the great things we've done in this life. What's the point of being smart, beautiful, charismatic or strong if you can't be appreciated for it? |
| Learn how to apologize |
| Time and again I see problems blown out of proportion and relationships dashed because of someone having too much pride to say those two little words: "I'm sorry". I've never really understood people who refuse to apologize under any circumstances. |
| No matter what you do, some people won't like you |
| When I was a teenager, I worked out that convincing people to like me was a useful skill to have. I tried all sorts of strategies and experiments for doing just that. Soon, I became a virtual expert. |
| How people can pretend to know a lot about you |
| We can all be amazed at times by how much someone can know about us, even if they've rarely spoken to us before. They just seem to have some kind of intuition. Sometimes, they can even claim to be psychic or possess some other kind of supernatural skill. |
| Relationships are what really matter in life |
| I've experienced a lot of stuff in my time. I'm been a poor student and a rich professional. I've lived in Europe, Asia, North America and Australia. I've read a ton of books, seen thousands of movies, and tried out just about every amusement known to man. |
| Do lots of small favors for people |
| One of the most powerful unspoken rules in human behavior is that of reciprocation. In other words, if I do you a favor, I expect you to do one for me in return. |
| Feed people's need for recognition |
| I've never understood people who say "I don't care what others think about me". Of course, I don't think you should slavishly chase the approval of others. But having people like you is such a useful thing in so many parts of life, that it seems like a worthwhile thing to make an effort to achieve. |
| Get yourself some allies |
| People I know who are introverted often tell me they don't really understand why outgoing people expend so much time and effort on socialising. They see it all as being a bit shallow and a waste of effort. But I think they miss the point in a lot of ways. |
| Don't place too much weight on what people say |
| We humans are social animals. Everywhere you look, we're talking, talking, talking. Go into a busy restaurant, and you'll have difficulty hearing yourself think above all the conversation. Switch on the TV or the radio and you'll hear an endless stream of opinion and gossip riding at you down the airwaves. |
| Most people just want to have their biases reinforced |
| When I was in my early twenties, I was pretty sure I had the world figured out. I'd made up my mind about religion, morals, work, politics, love and life. I was convinced that anyone who disagreed with my views on most subjects probably just hadn't thought things through as carefully as me. |
| People are flawed, deal with it |
| Like most people, I've had all kinds of disappointments and things that make me angry in life. Sometimes, I just can't believe that the world can be as cruel as it appears. |
| Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear |
| Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. |