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Self help & motivationLearn how to give up one pleasurable thing for another
We humans are funny creatures. We seem to be part animal on one side, and part angel on the other. When I go to the zoo and I observe the creatures there, I'm often struck by how similar their behaviours and motivations are to our own. They act on lust, hunger, power, love and anger, just as we do.
Self help & motivationAssertiveness is about balance
We've all met people who have a problem understanding assertiveness. Often, they're people who've spent much of their lives being walked over. One day, they get sick of putting up with this behaviour from others and do a complete flip. Suddenly, they're so busy being "assertive" that they don't realise how much they're annoying those around them.
Self help & motivationMany people will do the minimum they can to get by
Have you ever noticed how many people operate at way below their potential? The genius who works an average office job, the fantastic woman who dates losers, the talented artist who spends all day in front of the TV. Why do such people not put in more effort?
Self help & motivationMost worthwhile things in life turn out to be harder than you expect
What is it that gets people down? All sorts of things, of course. It may be a chemical imbalance in the brain, a family tragedy, or an accident. But most of the time, the reason for ongoing dissatisfaction is that people simply aren't getting what they want out of life. They feel they aren't where they should be.
Self help & motivationNo answer is better than any old answer
There are three little words that most people, particularly men, find it very difficult to utter. They are: "I don't know". For any question people can come up with, you'll see a bunch of answers being put forward, however little evidence there is to support them.
Self help & motivationYou have to run pretty fast in this life even just to stay still
The Red Queen is a character in the Lewis Caroll fantasy story "Through the Looking Glass". The main character in the story, Alice, comes across the Red Queen and finds her always running in the same spot.
Self help & motivationWe all have moments of worry and doubt
Let's face it, everyone wakes up sometimes and just feels down. The world loses its shine and you wonder why you even bother with it all. Worry and doubt lays itself over your psyche like a heavy snowfall.
Self help & motivationMost things won't be as easy as you think
You know what really upsets me? When things don't turn out the way my optimistic side expects them to. When the girl I thought liked me just wants to be friends, when the job I thought I had in the bag goes to someone else, and when that cool party I was planning flops.
Self help & motivationMost people start with a conclusion and then search for the facts to support it
Most of us realise that the people we deal with in everyday life often aren't rational. They behave in ways that bewilder. They do things that seem immoral, stupid and not in their own interests. They hold beliefs that just seem crazy.
Self help & motivationIf you consistently lose in games of skill, it's your fault
Let's face it, there's a large dose of luck in many areas of life. A lot of self-help gurus don't like to admit it, but chance plays at least as big a part in success as skill. However, there's another factor that can reduce chance's influence - time.
Self help & motivationHow to separate superstition from fact
There's a lot of superstition in the world and most people know it. Of course, one person's superstition is another's absolute truth. But we all can look at someone and think "How the heck can they believe that rubbish?", even if we believe plenty of rubbish of our own.
Self help & motivationYou will never have perfect information, get over it
Many of us are cautious by nature. The world has taught us in the harshest possible terms that making mistakes can cost us dearly. And so most sensible people become careful in their decision making. They agonise internally before committing money, emotions or time to any particular enterprise.
Self help & motivationWe humans really like passing on our problems on to other people
We all have problems in this life. Some are bigger than others, but each of us is burdened with something we find almost unbearable from time to time. Maybe you have problems in your love-life, or your health is bad. Perhaps it's something as major as bankruptcy that bothers you, or something as small as a cold-sore.
Self help & motivationIncompetent people tend to overestimate their skill level
Something interesting happens to me whenever I try to learn a new skill. I tend to underestimate just how hard it's going to be. For some reason, part of me thinks I'm going to be naturally talented at it, even though I have no evidence for that being the case.
Self help & motivationHow some people find meaning in their lives
Theodore Dalrymple is a very interesting writer whose ideas I have adapted somewhat for this article. He's a psychiatrist who's worked in a prison and a hospital in a deprived area of Britain over many years. He has often found himself baffled at the crazy choices people make and the obvious destruction they do to their own lives and those of who they love.
Self help & motivationThe transition periods are often the most difficult
Someone I know quite well once discovered that his wife of five years was seeing another man behind his back. He found out when she suddenly announced she was leaving him for her new beau. He was out of town at the time, and when he returned he found most of the furniture in his house missing.
Self help & motivationCorrelation does not equal causation
We humans are wired to see connections between things. If it rains after the sky gets cloudy, we figure the two are related. If a bad smell arrives at the same time as a person, we decide that they must be the cause of it. If apples fall from trees and hit the ground, we work out that some kind of force must be acting upon them.
Self help & motivationRecognise the two universes you live in
One of my favourite works of fiction is His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman. It's about parallel universes that exist, similar to our own but all different. The main characters find doors between these universes and go off on great adventures.
Self help & motivationThere are very few silver bullets in life
Popular children's stories are often themed on easy solutions being found to difficult problems. Harry Potter is a miserable orphan, but his situation is turned around when he discovers he's a famous wizard. Dorothy only has to click her heals together in order to get home. Horribly scary Freddy Krueger can only hurt you if you believe in him.
Self help & motivationPerfect contentment leads to stagnation
Have a look at how so many of us live our lives. We get up in the morning, go out all day and work, work, work. Whether in a rich country or a poor one, a good neighbourhood or bad, you can be sure that most of the people around you will be working most of the time.


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