 | Learn how to give up one pleasurable thing for another |
| We humans are funny creatures. We seem to be part animal on one side, and part angel on the other. When I go to the zoo and I observe the creatures there, I'm often struck by how similar their behaviours and motivations are to our own. They act on lust, hunger, power, love and anger, just as we do. |
| Assertiveness is about balance |
| We've all met people who have a problem understanding assertiveness. Often, they're people who've spent much of their lives being walked over. One day, they get sick of putting up with this behaviour from others and do a complete flip. Suddenly, they're so busy being "assertive" that they don't realise how much they're annoying those around them. |
| Many people will do the minimum they can to get by |
| Have you ever noticed how many people operate at way below their potential? The genius who works an average office job, the fantastic woman who dates losers, the talented artist who spends all day in front of the TV. Why do such people not put in more effort? |
| Most worthwhile things in life turn out to be harder than you expect |
| What is it that gets people down? All sorts of things, of course. It may be a chemical imbalance in the brain, a family tragedy, or an accident. But most of the time, the reason for ongoing dissatisfaction is that people simply aren't getting what they want out of life. They feel they aren't where they should be. |
| No answer is better than any old answer |
| There are three little words that most people, particularly men, find it very difficult to utter. They are: "I don't know". For any question people can come up with, you'll see a bunch of answers being put forward, however little evidence there is to support them. |
| You have to run pretty fast in this life even just to stay still |
| The Red Queen is a character in the Lewis Caroll fantasy story "Through the Looking Glass". The main character in the story, Alice, comes across the Red Queen and finds her always running in the same spot. |
| We all have moments of worry and doubt |
| Let's face it, everyone wakes up sometimes and just feels down. The world loses its shine and you wonder why you even bother with it all. Worry and doubt lays itself over your psyche like a heavy snowfall. |
| Most things won't be as easy as you think |
| You know what really upsets me? When things don't turn out the way my optimistic side expects them to. When the girl I thought liked me just wants to be friends, when the job I thought I had in the bag goes to someone else, and when that cool party I was planning flops. |
| Most people start with a conclusion and then search for the facts to support it |
| Most of us realise that the people we deal with in everyday life often aren't rational. They behave in ways that bewilder. They do things that seem immoral, stupid and not in their own interests. They hold beliefs that just seem crazy. |
| If you consistently lose in games of skill, it's your fault |
| Let's face it, there's a large dose of luck in many areas of life. A lot of self-help gurus don't like to admit it, but chance plays at least as big a part in success as skill. However, there's another factor that can reduce chance's influence - time. |
| How to separate superstition from fact |
| There's a lot of superstition in the world and most people know it. Of course, one person's superstition is another's absolute truth. But we all can look at someone and think "How the heck can they believe that rubbish?", even if we believe plenty of rubbish of our own. |
| You will never have perfect information, get over it |
| Many of us are cautious by nature. The world has taught us in the harshest possible terms that making mistakes can cost us dearly. And so most sensible people become careful in their decision making. They agonise internally before committing money, emotions or time to any particular enterprise. |
| We humans really like passing on our problems on to other people |
| We all have problems in this life. Some are bigger than others, but each of us is burdened with something we find almost unbearable from time to time. Maybe you have problems in your love-life, or your health is bad. Perhaps it's something as major as bankruptcy that bothers you, or something as small as a cold-sore. |
| Incompetent people tend to overestimate their skill level |
| Something interesting happens to me whenever I try to learn a new skill. I tend to underestimate just how hard it's going to be. For some reason, part of me thinks I'm going to be naturally talented at it, even though I have no evidence for that being the case. |
| How some people find meaning in their lives |
| Theodore Dalrymple is a very interesting writer whose ideas I have adapted somewhat for this article. He's a psychiatrist who's worked in a prison and a hospital in a deprived area of Britain over many years. He has often found himself baffled at the crazy choices people make and the obvious destruction they do to their own lives and those of who they love. |
| The transition periods are often the most difficult |
| Someone I know quite well once discovered that his wife of five years was seeing another man behind his back. He found out when she suddenly announced she was leaving him for her new beau. He was out of town at the time, and when he returned he found most of the furniture in his house missing. |
| Correlation does not equal causation |
| We humans are wired to see connections between things. If it rains after the sky gets cloudy, we figure the two are related. If a bad smell arrives at the same time as a person, we decide that they must be the cause of it. If apples fall from trees and hit the ground, we work out that some kind of force must be acting upon them. |
| Recognise the two universes you live in |
| One of my favourite works of fiction is His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman. It's about parallel universes that exist, similar to our own but all different. The main characters find doors between these universes and go off on great adventures. |
| There are very few silver bullets in life |
| Popular children's stories are often themed on easy solutions being found to difficult problems. Harry Potter is a miserable orphan, but his situation is turned around when he discovers he's a famous wizard. Dorothy only has to click her heals together in order to get home. Horribly scary Freddy Krueger can only hurt you if you believe in him. |
| Perfect contentment leads to stagnation |
| Have a look at how so many of us live our lives. We get up in the morning, go out all day and work, work, work. Whether in a rich country or a poor one, a good neighbourhood or bad, you can be sure that most of the people around you will be working most of the time. |