|
Forgive your enemies
Tuesday, 13 June 2006
There are some subjects so personal that people have to make up their own minds which way they want to go. Forgiveness is one of those subjects. However, I hope you'll take a moment to consider my argument as to why it's is a good thing to bring into your life. Not because of any religious or preachy reasons, but for practical ones.
We all get cheated, robbed and hurt by other people at times in our lives. Sometimes, the crimes against us come with such intensity, that it makes us despair for humankind. It's natural in such situations to fill ourselves with thoughts of hate, anger and revenge. Any attempts to fight such feelings early on are usually in vain.
But as time is put between yourself and the tragic event that caused such feelings, my advice is to start gently pushing yourself towards pardoning those who've committed wrongs. Like a balloon slowly letting out air, purge your insides of loathing.
Let go of that tight internal ball of pain and forgive your enemy.
"But why should I let them off the hook?" will be the first thought of many people. "They've hurt me and cheated me. Why should I give them anything in return?"
I'm not suggesting you do it for them, but for yourself. Always remember that your time in this world is limited. Twisting yourself up with poisonous hatred is not a good way to live. The reason you should practice forgiveness is because the alternative is so horrible.
I know people, and I'm sure you do too, who collect grievances the way some people collect stamps. They sit at home in the dark and pull out their album of injustices to rage at. Their thoughts are filled with abhorrence and disgust at what those around them have done.
This is a sure path to misery.
Instead, the best way to deal with the crimes of others is to push past the early bad feelings, and eventually find the strength in yourself to pardon the person who committed them. Realize that they're only human, and we're all capable of terrible acts.
I'm not saying you have to like them, be nice to them, or ever trust or see them again. If necessary, you should take steps to make sure they can't hurt you again. But forgive them nevertheless. Simply try to empty yourself of the toxic feelings they create within you.
Some will say this approach isn't realistic - but I believe it's been proven to be again and again.
What theatrical stage are the hard truths of human reality more bitterly played out than on the political one? Yet even here, forgiveness has been shown to work.
A couple of years back, I was sitting in Cape Town with a white South African friend of mine. He explained to me why so many people had a deep respect for Nelson Mandela.
When Mandela was released from his 27-year stint as a political prisoner of South Africa's racist government, he was probably the most powerful man in the country. He could have immediately demanded the majority black South Africans banish the whites from the land. The blacks had lived under a terribly oppressive regime, and could see that many whites had grown rich from this situation. The hatred and lust for revenge must have been overwhelming.
Instead of taking what would have seemed like the obvious route, Mandela preached peace and reconciliation with the whites. He saw the path of revenge would lead to his country tearing itself apart, and instead advised his followers to practice forgiveness.
Here's some of what he said during his inaugural speech upon being voted president: "We enter into a covenant that we shall build the society in which all South Africans, both black and white, will be able to walk tall, without any fear in their hearts, assured of their inalienable right to human dignity - a rainbow nation at peace with itself and the world".
In contrast, look at what's happening in Zimbabwe. The black president, Robert Mugabe, who took over from the previous white-led government, has seized the land of white farmers and done his best to drive them from his country. That nation, once the breadbasket of Africa, is now on the brink of starvation. Hatred and revenge, based on real crimes against the black majority, has led to misery.
You can see this cycle repeating itself in most major conflicts and peace settlements around the world. Look at what's happening in the Middle East. Think about what could have happened had the victors in World War II wanted revenge against Germany and Japan.
You can apply these lessons to your own life. I hope, for your own sake, that you do.
 | How to find yourself | | Along with the problem of trying to figure out how the world works, we also all have a similar problem of discovering exactly who it is we are. People are always surprising themselves with behavior they didn’t expect and thoughts they feel aren’t entirely in their control. |  | Generally, it's best just to tell people what they want to hear | | Some people live to tell others what they're doing wrong. They see themselves as some sort of ivory-tower dwelling soul, gazing mercifully down on the rest of us and having the generosity to point out our faults when they see it as necessary. I'm sure you meet such people all the time. |  | How to get a job paying more than $100,000 a year | | How do people get themselves into a position of earning good incomes at young ages? Why do some people work hard for minimum wage while others have cushy jobs that are well-paid? Most importantly, how can you become one of the latter? | | Becoming more self-absorbed probably isn't going to solve your problems | | There are many books and articles written about how to improve your life. Many focus on changing what's going on inside your head. They want you to think more positively, change your inner conversation, and carefully examine your past. In general, they have one thing in common, they want you to become more self-absorbed. |  | The easiest way to fool smart people | | There’s a saying among con-men that smart people are easier targets, because they don’t think they can be conned. I’m not sure if that’s true, but there’s one scam that’s almost guaranteed to make smart people switch off their brains and reach for their wallets. | | You can't trust people with money | | What is it with money that makes otherwise good people lose all moral perspective? The dubious real-estate agent may well be a good and trustworthy friend away from the office, but he'll tell his clients anything to get a few extra dollars out of them. |  | Evidence that success comes from self-discipline | | An interesting experiment on the nature of success was started by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s. He decided to test the self-discipline of children at an early age, then trace their relative success as their lives went on. |  | If you have a problem, look in the mirror first for its source | | Consider the following scenario. Mr Smith has been a dedicated employee at a big company for over fifteen years. He has a mortgage, two children at private school, and a nice car, all paid for with debt. | | Understanding the games people play | | A very interesting book, for anyone who's interested in the psychology of human relationships, is Games People Play by Eric Berne. Dr Berne is a psychiatrist who developed the theory of transactional analysis, which looks at the ways people interact with one another. Specifically, he's interested in the psychological games people play. | | Whatever you say or do in this world, someone will strongly disapprove | | Wouldn't it be great if everyone just loved us and thought everything we did and said was right? What an easy life that would be. Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen any time soon. Pretty much anything you do or say is going to make somebody angry, upset, or despairing of your intelligence and sanity. |
New articles are being added all the time, so make sure you bookmark Paul's Tips and come back.
|
|